When the student is ready, the master appears - Buddhist Proverb

Sometime last week I logged on to facebook and there was this post...

"That it isn't for me to "accept" someone for who they are. Because that's a judgement that I know better n have deemed them "worthy" of my acceptance, that I've judged them by my worldview imposing who I am on and over who they are. that's just bollocks. I'm not here to "accept" people, I'm here to love them just the way they are, not change, "save", educate or improve. they know how to live their life n I know mine." -Hildi Rowland 

I have heard Dr. John Demartini say this many times (in his own words, of course), but it never sunk in the way it did when I read it off of Hildi's wall.  The impact of integrating this into my life has been monumental.  This post was my breakthrough.  Why didn't I get it earlier? I asked myself.  Perhaps, I was not ready before.  Such simple truth now that I feel it in me.  I was stuck on being grateful for so long and forgot the next step.. Love it all.  There is a reason why Dr. Demartini teaches his method and guides us to the Thank You, I Love You state.. I was stopping at the Thank You, I Accept You, state. 

This puzzle piece dissolved a lot of uncertainty and opened up my heart in a way that humbled me with the understanding that when you genuinely feel gratitude and love towards anyone or anything, you see yourself in everything around you.  A realization that everything and everyone around you are here to remind you just that... The interconnection we all have with one another, and the beautiful gift that that is.  

Hildi lives thousands of miles away from me, but because of the above post, I feel her presence in my everyday life as if we were roommates.  With this profound new level of awareness and perception, I understand why I don't "miss" some people who I love dearly, even though some live very far or have passed on.  The love keeps them alive in me, and the universe brings "them" to me in other forms.  


What once felt like an unbreakable wall inside my heart has vanished and the possibilities that pop up are nothing short of extraordinary.  With new knowledge, comes new accountability, and since this enormous breakthrough I have not stopped "collapsing" more walls that keep me from loving all as is... The more I feel myself in others and others in me, I lose track of boundaries, limits and parameters.  It's an universal sense that the two cents I love to share with the world matter.  And, so on with every being... We are all in this together, and the illusion of separateness and differences does not affect the whole in itself.  It just creates misguided or lopsided perceptions upon the participants of this huge ball of love.  (that's how i visually see it – a mass of energy leaping towards infinity together, some particles trading roles with others, in order to carry on the evolution of our true nature). 

What a journey! Wow! Thank you, Hildi! I feel you and yes, we are having a special connection.. I'm loving it! 

In Honor of All Gays and Lesbians in the Universe

I know I said I was taking a blogging break, but due to my very well reserved excitement of this time of the year, I have come down with a nasty bug. So, in the midst of prednisone, antibiotic, nebulizing treatments and bed rest... One thing left to do... Write.

Today, I found an incredible website truthdig. Well, it all began when I received Pat Tillman's eulogy in my email today, taken from his mother's book, and as I started to research more about Tillman's real cause of death, I stumbled upon truthdig. I've come across many essay/column/short story websites, but none like this one. I was enthralled immediately.

Two seconds into the site, I saw one of the most magical pictures I have seen in a very long time. The picture of the two lesbians kissing, as one of them (a service woman) returns home. I know the picture is kind of old news, but I hadn't seen it until today, and I found it absolutely magical.

I was literally overjoyed by it's simplicity, sincerity and display of genuine love. Of course... Those are my perceptions.

After gazing at the picture for a long time... I realized, I'm capable of loving a woman just as I am of loving a man. I have never considered a relationship with a woman before, but I think that I would not turn away from it...

As I write this on my mobile blogging app, doing my nebulizing treatment, my head is bombarded with fear, apprehension and self doubt to the same degree my heart is overwhelmed with a liberating feeling. Although this is not an official "coming out" statement... It's an admission that I feel love is love regardless of gender..

I commend that service lady for being a heroine in all senses... And all the gays and lesbians who constantly have to fight to prove to some of the world that they are perfect just as they are. Some even fight for the freedom we enjoy today.

Well, that's it for tonight.. Maybe for the year. GO GAYS!!

Happy holidays everyone! And, check out truthdig.com.

Sweet November... Gone

Have you ever wondered about where you would be if when you were given a set of choices you would have had chosen the one your heart desired the most at the time, instead of the one your brain (ego) weighed out for you?

I have often wondered about that. About so many things in my life. For a while now, the answer to every single one of the questions is the same. I would be exactly where I am at. NO MATTER what choice I would have picked when the choices were presented, life would have led me to where I am. I may have learned the lessons differently, some think I could have avoided many "heartaches" and "hardships." There was a time when I beat myself up so much for making the wrong choice and wishing I could have that split second again. As I have grown, learned and integrated the messages and lessons that have been crucial in my path, I can't even doubt the unbelievable wisdom behind ripple effect by every choice I made. It is literally mind blowing, and so very humbling. 

We are now in December, and as I watched one of my favorite movies "Sweet November", I remembered that one of my very life-defining decisions was made regarding someone who reminds me of this movie so much. It's been over eight years since I had that choice laid out before me, and went totally against my heart. Followed my instinct. Fight or flight. I was scared. Enveloped in fear and felt as if my heart had been torn to a million pieces. In hind-sight, I was like a baby deer running from a lion. The wall I built around me was palpable, and I felt like I had made such a mistake at the time. I lived in regret for so long. I used to think that the month I spent with this person was the most special month of my entire life. I felt as if I was ruined because no one else could ever compare to how I felt with them. 

Once I learned and applied the teachings from Dr. D. that nothing is missing, it just changes forms, I began to see that nothing was a mistake, I acted the best I knew how. I see the traits I missed from that person all around me now, in different people. From regret to gratitude, from fear to love I can say that sweet November will last forever. We have been entangled in the matrix. Although the title says "Gone", I use that word to describe the perception I had when I made the decision. It has never arrived or left. Sweet November always existed in my life. Some times in the form of many, that one time in the form of one. Then, back to the form of many. 

What a small shift in perception can do! 

A Dreamer Indeed

There are certain dreams that like to come out at night and make themselves so distinctly different from other dreams that when you wake up after having these certain dreams, you feel like there's a hidden message in there for you, somewhere...

I have a recurring dream that involves a particular person and every morning after said dream, I'd foolishly think it was a sign for me to reach out to them. I'd wishfully think it was the Universe's way of telling me that they were thinking about me too. Needless to say that I've made a fool of myself (more than once) by reaching out to this person in high hopes my assumption of the dream's meaning was correct.

This morning the dream was still vivid in my head and it took several hours for me to focus on "reality". My immediate impulse was to reach out and unload my heart's songs onto them again, however, something subtler, but stronger stopped me. I heard a tiny little whisper in the background, "The dream has nothing to do with them and everything to do with you." It was a powerful moment.

I have thought about last night's dream all day, spoken about the protagonist to one of my closest friends, and concluded that this recurring dream is a sign for me to pay more attention to myself, its messages are gateways to my deeper subconscious levels and as far as the person goes, they are a figment of my subconscious playing my own self in an area of my life I still have not owned. In real life, they are not even making an effort to be part of my life in any way, so it is only a matter of self-respect & worth that I stop having illusions that some day we will have some type of relationship.

I used to wish for the dreams to stop. Now, that my perspective has changed, I look forward to learning more about myself while I sleep.

The Type of Mom I Am

For the past 11 months, I have been trying to work the new role of "momhood" into my life and trying out the different hats that moms wear all the time. I have learned so much about myself. And, what's stuck with me most is that I'm the type of mom that doesn't like to follow the mainstream trend of what moms are supposed to be like. I know that works great for some people, sometimes not for others, definitely not for me.

I have decided to take a step back and take a look at what activities do fulfill me as a person and therefore make me a better mom for my child. I realized I probably will not be the type of mom that will go to every soccer/ballet/piano/volleyball/swimming/etc. practice, but I will be there for every game. I am the type of mom who enjoys reading, exploring, teaching and listening to what my child has to say. I like to take naps with her. I like to see her make a mess when she drinks water and pretends she's a cherub fountain. I like to see her act tomboyish and stand her ground. Since I'm a homebody, and rather spend my time and energy traveling and meeting new people from new places (and right now she's too young to come along), I have left the extra-curricular activities such as walks, beach days, water park days and things of that nature to my sister and her nannie (who by the way do a wonderful job with her).

I'm the kind of mom that at the end of the day does not want to resent my daughter for anything. So, I decided to be honest with myself and admit that I'm just not good at somethings and have allowed others who are really good at those things to fill in that spot for me. I've learned that delegating what we don't value as much is a lot easier than I thought and at the end of the day, all the parties involved win. My daughter is not neglected at all, because I'm too embarrassed or proud to admit that I'm just not cut out to do somethings.

What type of mom am I? I really don't know if I can answer that question with total certainty yet. For now, I am allowing myself to explore and learning to appreciate the things that I do enjoy tremendously with her, and letting go of the ones that I don't enjoy so much. After all, she's a lucky little baby with lots of love, so why hog her all for myself?

p.s.- this year is her first Halloween with me. Stay tuned for pics of her in her adorable little costume! :)

Thank You, Universe

Thank you, Universe

Thank you for the gift of embodiment,
thank you for the life that runs through my bodily veins,
thank you for the opportunity to experience the magnificent atmosphere in this planet.

Thank you, Universe.

Thank you for the countless ways I was directed back to my true path,
thank you for guiding me to unveil my many facades and become transparent,
thank you for teaching me to live in utter vulnerability.

Thank you, Universe.

Thank you for the sound of laughter that makes my heart skip a beat,
thank you for leading every second of my life to the moment of pure ecstasy,
thank you for the honor of being a mom.

Thank you, Universe.

Thank you for the lesson of receiving,
thank you for the class in appreciation,
thank you for the inspiration and clarity that move me forward.

Thank you, oh Dear Universe.

For ever in gratitude and love.

You Are There

Amidst all the confusion

I'm reluctant to move forward

and find out it is all an illusion

you are there

There are times I have to decide

enveloped in self doubt 

I realize there is no wrong or right

you are there

Rain or shine,

happy or sad,

dead or alive,

you are there

In a breath, a thought, an action,

a dream, a butterfly, a cloud,

a touch, a hug, my daughter's affection,

you are there

I am grateful for your lessons,

humbled by your presence,

touched by your love,

and hopeful for .... everything.

You are there.

10 Things I Underestimated About Motherhood

A couple of years ago, when I was looking to adopt a foreign baby, and in the midst of finding out that I'd probably have to sell a kidney, a lung, an arm and my right ear to afford one, I was encouraged by my friends and family to go forward with it. What I was doing was a beautiful act, they would say. Then, I could already picture myself being a parent. I pictured so many things in the theoretical world of parenthood. I looked at parenthood in general with rose tinted glasses and dreamt that the exhilaration of calling a little human "my child" would take care of any and every obstacle that might - key word being "might - arise.

Life is life. There are always obstacles, mostly ones we create in our own minds. Nonetheless, they exist for us. Foreign baby adoption didnt occur, instead i was gifted with a beautiful domestic Princess. It was pure adrenaline at first and as things settled into a routine, I had a very difficult time dealing with some feelings that surfaced. My first step in understanding what was happening to me was to acknowledge every single emotion I felt towards my new role in life. I completely underestimated motherhood. For the past 8 months, I have come up with a long list of "stuff" I heard relentlessly from other mothers, but needed to learn through experience. Here are the top 10.

10. MOTHERS DON'T SLEEP.

This one I learned the first week of having the baby home. Yes, she would wake up every three hours back then to eat, but even when she slept, I hardly got any shut eye. Every single noise she'd make startled me and I would rush to her side.

9. MY SELF-IDENTITY WAS RESUMED TO ONE WORD: MOTHER

I was nobody else for a while except the little human's mother. I completely ceased to be who I was, for a little while at least. I completely revolved myself and my life around my baby.

8. THE LIONESS IN YOU AWAKENS

Our instincts become so acute that it is impossible to deny them. You begin understanding the meaning of each fuss and cry, when you enter a room the first things you notice are all the potential threats, you can hear their voice in the middle of a heavy metal concert in Central Park, you learn that you have the capability of hurting someone badly if they pose any danger to your offspring. The lioness in us comes alive in every sense.

7. MOTHERS NEED A BREAK TOO

I have recently started being more active in my own life. It only took me 8 months. I used to feel guilty for admitting that I was exhausted. For 28 hours a day, I breathed, ate and slept with only one thing in my mind: my daughter. I remember the tears rolling down my face the first time I admitted to myself in my journal that I needed a break from my baby. I needed to resume living life as Camile as well, not only Anastasia's mom. The day after, I received an email inviting me to collaborate on a book. Since then, I take small breaks every day and not necessarily when she's sleeping. I do my thing, I do our thing and we both get to miss each other a bit. Getting to this point was very difficult, however.

6. MOTHERS DON'T HAVE ALL THE RIGHT ANSWERS

I'm surrounded by other mothers all day long. I read books on motherhood, I read articles, studies, you name it, I do it. The one thing I learned with undeniable proof is that every child is different. Every parent is different. I am trying to stop comparing my baby to all other babies her age. I watch her growth and development and try to find out what's better fir her future according to her and not in comparison to other children.

5. MOTHERS ARE DUMBER THAN THEIR CHILDREN

Here I'm not trying to say moms are idiots, the message is that kids are way smarter than we give them credit for. They know what we have long forgotten. They are true to themselves. Their needs come first in EVERY SENSE. From physiological to self-actualization in Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs, babies ask for it all. Our ignorance of their profound wisdom is what makes us less wise, if you will, than they are.

4. THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH THE WORLD AS SOON AS YOU HEAR THAT ONE SPECIAL LAUGHTER

My child's laughter is the sweetest, most perfectly harmonized, beautiful sound I have EVER heard. When she laughs I want to freeze time and rejoice in that sound for ever. No matter what's going on in my life, that laughter is the antidote to it all. The sound of her laughter is my personal Om.

3. MOTHERHOOD ENCOURAGES YOU TO BE THE PERSON YOU'VE ALWAYS DREAMT OF BEING

Children learn from watching what you do. They follow example. "Do as I say, not as I do," Ha! Dream on. Ever since Anastasia arrived I have pushed myself to reach every goal I ever had for myself. Whether I achieve them or not is not the point. My wish is that she learns she's capable of doing whatever she wishes to do. There are no limits, except the ones we create for ourselves. She is my inspiration to reach for the stars and keep on going.

2. HUMANITY HAS HOPE

It may sound narcissistic, egotistical and conceited to think humanity has hope because of your own child. Truth is I don't know one mother who looks at her baby and thinks otherwise (of course there are always exceptions). There is no way I can feel indifferent about the world since I met her. I look at her and I see infinite possibilities, and with that said, I, in turn, want to contribute to the world as well. She brings out the best in me.

1. UNCONDITIONAL LOVE EXISTS

Once I experienced (& continually experience) unconditional, parental love, I have learned I can love. Love is all you need, and most importantly, I realized I hadn't been loving myself enough. In the beginning of our mother/daughter relationship, I still indulged in self-neglect and gave all of me to her. Motherhood taught me that I'm a very crucial part of the mother/daughter pair and I MUST love me too. I started with giving myself 10% of what I'd give my daughter... Now, I don't count anymore. I honor and respect myself as much as I honor and respect Anastasia. I need to be well so that I can do my best for her. It oscillates everyday, some days she gets more of me, other days I do.



A couple of days ago, I decided to dig deeper than I had been digging into my inner self and face with total honesty all the pros & cons that came with being a mother. It's the hardest, yet the most rewarding role in life. So many lessons come in the package. A couple of days ago, I felt anxious and afraid that my best wasn't enough. During this period of inner work (a lot of collapsing - Demartini talk) a shift occurred, most importantly I have come to understand that many shifts will occur. As long as my best is filled with love and gratitude for this beautiful soul disguised as a little girl and for myself, it will always be enough.

Moving From The Inside Out - THE MOVEMENT WITHIN

Once in a while we come across people who are real movers.  People who take "living" to a whole 'nother level.  These people have a gift and they make it a point in their lives to share their gift with their world.  They look at you and see themselves also.  They understand.  They feel.  They relate.  One of these people is April Claxton, founder of The Movement Within.  


After my awesome cruise around the Western Caribbean with Hay House, my life took an incredible turn towards my innermost dreams.  I was being coached by Vanessa Talbot (Writers' Success Creation Coach) and she had told me that writers often speak in public.  I needed to start looking into some speaking engagements for myself.  The Universe took action right away.  In less than a week, I came across April's page on Facebook and went to one of her classes which were held at Modern Zen (Davie, FL) at the time.  After meeting April, she invited me to come back the following week and be a guest speaker in her class.  The topic was GRATITUDE.  


April is an Intuitive Life Coach, Author, Inspirational Speaker, and superb human being.  I believe greatly in intuition, hence The Voice Within, but April is pretty phenomenal.  The Sunday prior to me speaking in her class, I asked her for an intuitive reading.  It was during the summer of 2010.  Prior to leaving my house that day and after the reading was done.  April looked at me and said, "The angels are asking me to tell you about "Stacy"."  I had no idea who "Stacy" was, so I shrugged the information off.  As soon as I saw her to the door and came to my computer to check my emails, my mom had sent me an email about my to-be daughter, whose name was Anastasia, but the nurses in the hospital where she was born referred to her as "Tasi".  I will never forget that day.  


One morning, as Tasi slept and I watched her in wondrous awe, feeling deep love and gratitude for her presence in my life, I remembered the day when April told me about her before I even knew she existed.  I decided to interview April and let a little more of the world know what she does and how incredibly well she does it.  Below is the interview.  Please keep in mind my initials are CA and April's are AC.  Enjoy!! 

C.A. - WHAT IS AN INTUITIVE LIFE COACH?

A.C. - I believe an ILC is one who is able to intuitively guide, direct and support their clients through their own revolutionary life journey. An ILC offers divine intuitive information that comes through for the client without judgment and offers support through simply holding the space for the client to connect with his/ her loved ones, Spirit Guides and Angels. Divine messages also include tools that are relevant to each client in order for them to grow, learn and evolve. An ILC is also one who takes their position to heart. Clients place their own hearts in our hands, and I do not take this lightly. An ILC should do all they can to insure that they are strictly being used to heal and assist instead of doing the healing and assisting themselves.  

C.A. - HOW LONG HAVE YOU KNOWN THAT YOU HAVE THIS GIFT AND HOW DID YOU FIND OUT?

A.C. - I have known that "something" was "different" in me since I was little. The older I got, the more I realized I wasn't different at all. We all have this ability- just some are more in tune than others. I found out exactly how I was being called to use this ability while I was experiencing my own healing. It is often when we arrive at the bottom of the barrel that we discover exactly who we are and who we want to be. It is when we are unable to fly that we discover we truly have wings. 

C.A. - WHAT IS THE MOVEMENT WITHIN?

A.C. - When I arrived at "the bottom of the barrel," I began to Move Within. I had to. All that we will ever need is within us. I had to figure out how I worked and didn't work- how I felt and didn't feel- what was mine to work with and what wasn't mine to work with. I realized that I wasn't broken and I began to journal and journal and journal. I discovered that I had been "speaking" to Divine sources (from within me) through my writing. I filled journals upon journals of detailed messages about humanity, lessons, goals, life, family, love... It became apparent to me that I wanted God/ Source/ Spirit- your God, my God- to use me as a direct channel of information and messages to help others move within themselves as well. If I could discover my purpose and my own values of self, and if that could inspire me to make a difference in my own life, then imagine what the same thing could do for someone else! And The Movement Within was born. It was actually called Inner Hope in the beginning but I believe that website was already taken. When I asked my Guides what to call it instead, they stated in writing, "The Movement Within." Life requires movement. Growth requires movement. The best type of movement will always start and take place within.   

C.A. - WHAT IS THE GOAL OF THE MOVEMENT WITHIN?

A.C. - This is a great question. The goal of TMW is its motto: Lifting Humanity. One Heart at a Time. It only takes one heart to be inspired to dance to the beat of its own drum in order to create a ripple effect for others. It's simple. As my Guides said in a journaling 

C.A. - WHAT IS YOUR SOURCE OF INSPIRATION IN LIFE?

A.C. - My source of inspiration is the world around me. The pain, the suffering, the hurting, the life, the love, the hopes, the dreams... that inspires me to love more and lift more. I am a bleeding heart and even though I cannot do the healing for people, I still long to teach others how to learn to heal themselves. Healing feels good- especially when we each do our own work from the inside out. What an empowering feeling! 

C.A. - WHAT IS THE MISSION YOU WANT TO ACCOMPLISH WITH ALL THAT YOU DO?

A.C. - My mission is to simply make a positive difference in the world so that the bits of the world I do touch feel the love that DOES exist. The world is only as dark as we see it to be. I see bright colors of joy, life- butterflies that flutter by to make us smile, moments of choice that are there to enlighten and encourage, peace, serenity, hope.... My mission is hope.  

C.A. - WHO CAN BENEFIT FROM YOUR WORK?

A.C. - Anyone who wants to. Anyone who feels "pulled" to "something" that is calling them. Anyone who says, "You know what? I don't know what is happening within me or my life- but SOMETHING is happening and I need to find out!" Each of us is called, not to find our purpose and save the world, but to find our purpose and love ourselves. In doing this, we save the world. Anyone who knows that the world has love within it and they feel pulled to this- no matter how broken, lost, confused, sad, scared, and unsure or disconnected they feel- these are the ones who benefit from this work. It is not my work- I am simply a torch holder who passes on the torch. It is the work of the Self and God/ Spirit/ Source is the light.  

C.A. - WHY WOULD THEY GO TO YOU?

A.C. - People "end up" in front of me. I often hear, "I just found you." Or, "My friend referred you." It is interesting how Source/ Spirit/ God will bring people to me. People would come to me to hear what it is they are supposed to hear right now at this point in time in their lives from their Guides, God, Angels and Loved Ones. They would come for support, direction, encouragement, validation, hope, clarity... And then I send them on their way to KEEP MOVING. They come back for touch ups, but- and as much as love and appreciate my clients- it is also my goal that they continue on their paths without me. They can return as needed, but I cannot do the work for them. They must learn to do the work for themselves. This is where the treasures are. People usually feel connected to me. I think it is because through the sessions, they feel themselves for the first time. They feel their courage, strength and they find their own hopes. It's like the scene in Bambi when Bambi walks for the first time. He falls but eventually he gets up and can walk all on his own. I want to bring people to their feet and then I want them to walk on their own and then run and then dance! 

C.A. - TELL ME ABOUT YOUR BOOKS AND HOW YOU WERE INSPIRED TO WRITE THEM.

A.C. - I have written 3 so far. The first was 'The Movement Within: 8 Steps To Ignite The Movement Within.' This teaches you how to begin and experience your own Movement Within. I was inspired to write this when I was asked to speak to a group of young boys and girls who were in a lock up facility. I thought God was crazy for sending me there to speak to amazing children who have experienced many less than amazing lives. I sat down and said, "OK, God, what do you want ME to tell THEM?" And the 8 steps were born. As time went on, these steps became a class that I taught and then evolved into a book. 

The second book was 'The Power of Self-Love: A Mini Book, Because a Little Goes a Long Way." It is a smaller book with big font so that you can read it in under an hour. It is cute and funny and deep. It brings you to your inner child. It has an exercise that introduces you to him/ her. Without our inner child, we would not be. I wrote this first as an E-book and then had it published. I wanted to give something back to my clients and those who visited the website. And, voila! It is on the homepage of TheMovementWithin.com free for download. 

And the third book is my favorite! It is a children's book that has been endorsed by New York Times bestselling author, Melody Beattie and also TV Guide Network. It also allowed me to become a part of the StoneWall National Museum and Archives Distinguished Author Series. 'Goodnight Just The Same' was illustrated by Diane Koziol Krueger and together we created a book that does one simple thing: it nurtures EVERY family dynamic telling each and every child that they matter and their family IS normal. The moon cares not your name or location or family type. It tucks everyone in just the same. I wrote this because I was raised in a divorced household with a step-parent. I also have a daughter who is being raised in a "non-traditional" family environment as well. I realized that all of these situations are normal and traditional! Every book was read to me or that I read to my daughter always had a mom and a dad. That unfortunately is no longer the "norm" in our society today. EVERY child needs to feel as if they are right where they are supposed to be and they ARE normal. And so, Goodnight Just The Same was written.   

C.A. - HOW WOULD YOU LIKE APRIL AND HER LEGACY TO BE REMEMBERED? 

A.C. - So, this question has made me tear up a little. I just want people to remember me and think, 'She loved life. She taught me that life is within me and that I am alive too! How great it was to meet or know her." That's it. I want people to see life through me. I want to be the mirror in which they can see themselves for the first time and then are able to go and not just live but truly come alive within their own lives. That is how I want to be remembered. I want be the April who created a Movement of Self and Love. 

C.A. - FINALLY, IF YOU COULD BE HEARD BY EVERY SINGLE BEING IN THE UNIVERSE, WHAT WOULD YOUR 30 SEC. MESSAGE BE?

A.C. - This is it folks. We are here together for a reason. We can either use this lifetime to experience life through each other or we can lose the lesson. Life is what you make it and however you make it will create your life. Let go. Let love. Let life. Let. Go. 

(I love this answer by the way.  Love it with all my heart. -c.a.)




*******     *******     *******


Thank you, April, for taking the time to answer the questions.  One of my questions made you tear up, all of your answers brought tears to my eyes.  I have a seven video series that gives 7 steps to learning how to listen to your own Voice Within, and the last step is TAKE ACTION.  In other words, for anything in our lives to happen, we need to take action, start moving, and it starts within.  


I strongly encourage everyone to visit The Movement Within website, and the Facebook page.  The Movement Within also has a channel on YouTube under the same name and April has a radio show on CBS NewSkyRadio.com, that airs on Mondays at 6pm, EST.  In case you feel inspired to purchase April's books, I included the Amazon.com link to each one of them, correspondingly.  

I believe April is just beginning.  She is a force to be reckoned with.  She is an inspiration to all of us.  Start moving and check her out.  

Happy Fourth of July from Oprah Winfrey

Ever since Oprah's finale, she has been sending mass emails to those who did email her at oprah@oprah.com.  I was one of those people and periodically I get messages from her.   I pretend they are only written to me.  It makes me feel special ;).  This is the latest.  It brought tears to my eyes.  God bless her.  

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Hello Friends of Summer

I'm So happy to be back in the USA.

Spent a week with my girls in S.A..

They were all stressed for tests, but doing fine. No major crisis this trip. 

I love being with them and talking to them about all things important.

When I 'm there I'm talking from the time I get up til I go to bed, about EVERYTHING teenage girls are going through. It's the same all over the world.

I'm going back this fall to teach a class; calling it Life 101.

All the stuff I wish someone had told me about how the world works.

Should be fun since I love to teach. And they're like sponges.

Like 12th graders everywhere this first class is both anxious and excited about going to college.

Most will be the first in their family. So it's a very big deal for them, and they're feeling the pressure. 

Nothing like going out of country to have an even deeper appreciation for our own U.S.A. The Freedom to have options, something we often take for granted, is the most striking to me.

When Chris Rock was last on the show he said, "real wealth is having options". I thought that was pretty profound.

I now stress to my girls that education prepares you to have options. Without it you have none. 

Just took a walk around the neighborhood watching sprinklers on the back lawn. (I love sprinklers) Made me think about the red dirt road I traveled from Mississippi (no sprinklers) to the here and now.

And how that journey could have only been possible in the U.S.A. 

I know the 4th of July has turned into picnics and fireworks, and barbecue moments. But it's worthy of a pause, to think about what it really means to have Freedom. 

And while we're pausing think about those who sacrifice to make it so. 

Wishing you all a Peaceful and Happy 4th of July.

Oprah

An Homage to Those Who Help Me Listen Better...

It's not abnormal for all of us to go through times in life when we feel a little "off."

I've gone through many "off" periods in my life.  Looking back, I have realized a pattern.  There was always somebody there at the right time helping me deal with the situation, whether they were solicited by me or not.  It has never failed.  The times when the help came solicited, it was welcomed with open arms, ears, eyes and heart.  However, when it crept up on me unexpectedly, these poor people suffered the brunt of my highly-defensive ego.  Nevertheless, they have stuck with me.  They have loved me, cherished me, supported me and fought for my right to be true to myself (even when I didn't know how to do it or what that meant).  It is time they are no longer unsung heroes of mine.  I plan to praise them highly here.

I have a feeling that this will be part 1 of several blogs paying homage to these angels on Earth.  Lately, I have been going through many self-discovery, self-reflection and self-adjustment moments.  I also understand that these cycles will continually repeat themselves in my life.  Before, I thought that asking for guidance and help from someone during these cycles would diminish the perception people had of me:  strong and resilient.  I have recently learned that I vainly attached to those labels and NO ONE ever asked me to be those things.  I demanded them from myself.  EVERYONE, however, has always accepted me for ME.  And, because of this unconditional act of love I have witnessed over and over in my life, I have learned to accept myself as well - strong, weak, happy, sad, extroverted, introverted, care-free, pre-occupied, beautiful, ugly.. the list is endless.  "No matter what I have done or do, I am worthy of love." - Dr. Demartini (I love that quote).

Once I started understanding the "nothing is wasted" theory and seeing it being played out in my own life, I found the place inside me where only gratitude and love reside.  There is no accident or coincidence.  Life happens the way it is supposed to, no matter which road you choose.  The quantum leaps we make in life will occur regardless.  The only thing that will take an impact by our daily choices is how fast the leaps happen.  We are all moving towards our truth.  Individually and collectively.  I am deeply humbled by the infinite manifestation of love and support in my life.  These manifestations come in many forms, and as I mentioned earlier, I'd like to take some time today to acknowledge the people in my life for now.

This is my "thank you" letter to these several people.  Without you, I would not be the person I am.  Although, I withdraw quite often from the world to spend time with myself.  All of you are always present in my mind, and most importantly in my heart.  I will refrain from posting names on this first blog, as there are many people I wish to recognize.  I know that most of the ones I am referring to in this homage will know it in their hearts that this is for them.

In upcoming writings, I will address either one at a time or several at a time.  I hope to give their contribution to my betterment all the justice it deserves.  And, I know that the attention span of an average blog reader is not that long, I would like for the readers to get really acquainted with these people.  Hence, for several forth-coming parts.

Much love, blessings and grace to all you readers!

In Love With My Daughter

Beautiful Anastasia will soon be 10 months old.  She will soon be a toddler.  Life has been busy.  I'm blessed that I can afford to pay someone to help me with her.  Being a mom is hard enough, being a mom in a wheelchair... triple that.  Even with all the help I have, I get to spend a lot less time on doing the things that I once did.  My time is filled with eating schedules, nap times, teething pain, new baby sounds and teaching a soul in a little human body how to act like a descent human being here on Earth.  Meditation has now become a luxury.  Writing - every free chance I get.  Reading, ditto.  Exercising, embarrassed to say that it's non-existent right now.  Well.. life has changed.. for sure!

This morning, she slept in my arms.  I left her there.  We sat in the living room and as I looked at her, a glare from the sun light hitting the lake came through my window.  The light hit us both and, for a moment, I saw nothing else.  There were only she and I.  No furniture, no TV, no paintings on the wall, no shades, no toys, nothing else.  The light enveloped us.  I NEVER felt so much love towards someone in my entire life.  I watched her breathe and sleep so peacefully.  I teared up in gratitude.  Anastasia has not only made my life a lot more vibrant, but she teaches me everyday to be a better person.  She teaches me to be patient, loving, and understanding.  

Anastasia has taught me that I'm okay.  No matter what I've done, what I do or what I will do, she has shown me that I am also loved.  Just like the way I love her.  I, now, understand and feel my mom.  I see her in my own actions towards my daughter.  There is no greater love.  It takes being a mother to know what being a mother takes.  Actually, being a mother is a gift.  It's the hardest career with the best fringe benefits.  This little human has inspired me in so many ways.  To her, I will always be grateful.  I have never felt love the way she has brought it into my life.  It's a radiating light that emanates from deep within me. 

When I first heard the news of her coming into my life, she was already named.  I googled Anastasia to find out its meaning.  It is a name of Greek origin that means RESURRECTION.  That is exactly what she has done to me.  She has made me feel alive again.  I am in love with my daughter.

Please Take Responsibility For The Energy You Bring Into This Space

"Please Take Responsibility For The Energy You Bring Into This Space" was one of the many quotes from the Oprah Show Finale.  It resonated deeply with me.

I know that every Oprah fan (or almost everyone of them) thinks that the finale was superb.  There was no guest, nothing new to show to the viewers, only a love letter from her to us all.  It was beautiful, insightful, empowering and extremely validating.  I will miss her show, but I don't feel sad about her saying good bye to her talk show.

There is nothing I can say about Oprah that hasn't been already said by someone, somewhere.  Anything I say will not be original, one bit.  I'll say something anyway.  What I love about her is her way of validating people all the time.  She understands the massive quest to be heard, seen and ultimately loved for who we are.  She gave different types of people the platform to be nothing, but themselves.  Her show was a window for the common man to glimpse at the rest of the world and feel connected.

Sometime last year, I read the book Soulshaping, which was recommended to me by a good friend.  I befriended the author, Jeff Brown, on facebook, and thanked him for the book and told him a bit about me.  He suggested I watched Ram Dass:  Fierce Grace. I did.  The movie moved me.  I felt as if Ram Dass was speaking to me directly.  I wrote to Jeff saying that I'd love to meet Ram Dass in person, knowing that Jeff was a personal friend of his.  His reply to me was that when we seek to meet the people whom we admire, all we are looking for is validation, and for that, all we need to do is look in the mirror (paraphrased).

As Oprah finished off her love letter to all of us, the viewers, the desire to meet her and "be validated" vanished.  She left the Harpo Studios stage with such grace and certainty that she made me feel connected, empowered and validated.  I posted the above quote (title of the blog) on my facebook page as my status.. possibly a permanent one.  It is a constant reminder to myself and anyone that wishes to see it for what it is, that we are, indeed, responsible for our lives.  We are responsible for our own energies.  Accountability for our actions is paramount for a life that can move crowds and inspire millions.

Oprah, thank you.  You have made me an eternal student of life, I hope to some day inspire, empower and validate someone else as you've done for millions of viewers across the planet, possibly the universe.

Living My Element With Sylwia - Day 18-20

My body talks to me.  Who knew?  I never really grasped the reality of it until Sylwia called me this weekend to check up on my health and pointed it out to me.  It's pretty remarkable.  I can't feel 2/3 of my body, yet, I feel connected to it in every way and it is wise enough to subtly let me know everything I'm doing right or wrong by it.

I spent the whole weekend - whole entire weekend - resting in bed.  I started my antibiotics to fight off this yucky pneumonia, and I am feeling the results.  Yay!  Amazingly, I feel that catching the pneumonia was meant to be.  It's hard to imagine someone would be grateful for catching a disease, but I am.  It allowed me to rest (even though in the beginning was very much against my will) and realize that I was living my life all wrong again.  Living for priorities and values that weren't mine.  I have had time to reflect on what is important for me, and re-prioritize everything that needed work.  I thought first of my health and my daughter.

As this transformation happened, other things started falling into place and re-assuring me that I'm on the right track.  I call them mini-miracles.

My body is talking to me, and I am all ears.  I am aware of the communication that's been bridged between us and I'm so grateful for it.  I'm honored to have such a wise body.

Sylwia suggested I work on a couple of affirmations for the next couple of weeks.  Nothing else.  Lots is going on and I didn't want to feel overwhelmed.  I made a stance that from now on, everything I do will be a labor of love, not just labor.  I want the feeling of "I'm so excited to be doing this" not the "I have to do this".  I thought of two affirmations that will repeat in my mind and heart to help me get healthier and advance to a new level of body/mind/soul consciousness:

* I lovingly treat my body as my blessed vessel.  I take care of it and it responds back by giving me abundant health.


* I use the unconditional power of love to heal and care for my body as it asks me to. 

For now, that's it.  I have to go.  My body is talking to me.  ;)

I Don't Believe In Fairy Tales

I was going to start this blog by giving the definition of love from the dictionary.  As I read through a couple of them, I cringed.  This might come off a bit cynical, however, there is a reason why I disagree with the way we, society as a whole, have learned to portray love or perceive it.  The best definition I came across is "Love is light."  Happily ever after, no I don't think so.  Why are we so concerned with the ever after, instead of now?  More importantly, do we really believe we can maintain a state of "happiness" for ever?  Happiness, to me, does not mean love.  Happiness is an emotion.  Love encompasses all emotions.  It accepts all.

We, elusively, seek after these beliefs without paying attention to what is happening right NOW.  I write a lot about being present, here, now.  If we stop and think for a minute, there is no future.  Time is a concept that is perceived by our little brains to give sense to a chronology of events.  Future events don't exist, the past is part true/part imagination, all we have is the now.  Why not invest our energy and learn to be present every second.  No matter what you're going through, really, no matter what it is, (and those of you who know me and know a bit about me, understand that I have earned some type of right to say this) you're okay.  Nothing lasts FOR EVER, even happiness.

I'm not saying that you can't be happy.  What I'm saying is that we can be EVERYTHING, at different points in our lives.  The real secret is HONORING OUR TRUTH at every single moment, better yet, at every single fraction of a moment, deep in the core of our human bodies.. We are light.  I don't even say this in a theological or philosophical sense.  I mean it in its physical sense.  Our atoms contain light at the center of their positive and negative sub-particles.  Now.. getting a bit philosophical and theological, light is the source of all energy.  Without sun light there would be no life on Earth.  Some people, actually, have mood swings based on how sunny it is outside.  Honoring our truths takes a lot of courage and hard work.  Who wants to appear all vulnerable to the world?  Literally wear your "heart" on your sleeve?  It's a hard concept to understand, until you begin to do it wholeheartedly.  Until I started to honor who I was at every moment, pay attention to every sign I received from my subconscious, and trust my intuition, I was doing myself a disservice.

The reason I wrote about not believing in fairy tales is because I believe that unless having a "fairy tale" type of life feels true to you, then we don't need it to attain the state of happiness/love we so much seek after.  We are already there.  All the time.  Even fairy tale characters have their ups and downs, just ask Shrek and Fiona.  When one person finds another person who allows them to be who they are, while maintaining truth to their essence, then, I believe there's a balanced relationship.  Where two people can agree to disagree, grow from one another and let each other soar.  That is my idea of a real life "fairy tale."


"Love is a synthesis in space and a synchronicity in time of complimentary opposite emotions" - Dr. John Demartini

First Mother's Day

What can I say?  If I could walk, I'd be skipping around the whole day today.  It's grand.  I'm a MOM.  I love it.  I never thought I could love someone as much as I love my beautiful munchkin, and as much as I know that this Hallmark holiday is a huge marketing scheme to get some money into our economy... It feels nice to be celebrated.  I don't care about gifts.  I don't care about "Happy Mother's Day" salutations.  I do care about the little human being that walks outside of my body to the beating rhythm of my heart, I care about the look in her face when she seems me approach her, when she plays with my hair, face, fingers and falls asleep in my arms.

Happy mother, yes, I am.  Is it hard?  Oh yes!  Hardest job I ever endured, nonetheless, the MOST rewarding.

My daughter has brought sense to my life.  She has brought love, so much of it, that it can barely fit inside.  She is the best teacher I ever had and the most honest person I ever met.  I look in her eye and see endless possibilities, infinite dreams, waiting for her to think them up and go at them.  When I look deeper, I see her.  Simple, true, child, brilliant.  Brilliant creation, whether some say it's divine, and others say it's evolution.. Children are brilliant creations.

Happy mother, I am, because of my daughter, and also because I learned from a fantastic mother.  I learned from amazing mothers.  Ones who surround me everyday and share the gift of mothering with me as it is my first time.

Happy Mother's Day to all of you.

Blessing in Disguise

Eight years ago if anyone told me that I'd be a paraplegic, mother of a beautiful daughter and beginning to live the life of my dreams, I'd tell them they were crazy, because there was no way I'd be able to handle any of those things... Or so I used to think.  I used to be the classic text-book type A personality.  I loved thinking that I was in control.  There is only one little problem with "thinking" you're in control - you life is limited to your own parameters. 

Eight years ago, I was getting ready to go into the Police Academy, was in the best relationship I ever had in my life, and thought I was on the right track.  I thought that I was finally on the way to living the life of the dreams I thought were right for me.  Having been divorced for a little over 7 months, I felt free, independent and ready to take on the world. 

Today, as I reflect on the chain of events that have brought me to this exact moment and place, I am humbled in immense gratitude because, although the road has been tougher than I ever imagined it would have been, it has taught me so much.  It has given me so much.  Most importantly, it has brought me my daughter.  I feel blessed, and thankful even for the hardships that I endure on a daily basis.  They keep me humbled and focused.  I think what I take from it everyday is that in spite of having had an incredibly traumatic event in my life, I've chosen to channel any energy related to it into something extra-ordinary.  And, because of that vision and decision, I have attracted extra-ordinary people and circumstances in my life. 

Today, not only I surrender my life to a higher source to guide me and use me for the betterment of our race, I also know that I am ready to accept the life of my dreams, not only do I deserve it, we all deserve the lives of our dreams, but I welcome it with no parameters.  I have been inspired by a love that was surreal to me - the love I have for my daughter.  I made a promise to myself after my last hospitalization ordeal, that I'd invest 1/10 of the love I feel for her into myself... Only 1/10.. And I already see amazing results. 

I am blessed beyond measure even if this blessing came in disguise in the beginning. 

2010 In a Flash...

It's been for ever since I've written anything.  Not a great thing for someone who is trying to finish a book, start a new one, and get some articles out to a couple of magazines.. However, the reason for my lack of writing compensates it all - my daughter.

2010 started out rough.  I, actually, re-learned the art of living one second at a time and took a journey inward to escape every-day small stuff that would normally irritate me or make me feel as if I was making no progress at all.  As the months crept up on me,  the clouds started clearing and the silver lining became ever so evident.  Inside, my heart sighed deeply, in its ever-knowing wisdom, it was relieved.  I had survived yet another test prior to 2009's end, and although it wasn't evident to me at the time, 2010 was looking very bright.

The details throughout the year are beyond the scope of this blog, which I'm writing because I feel compelled to explain my absence in the blog world, but there is a perfect explanation for all that's happened and "not-happened".

2010 has been a tremendous year in many ways.  I'm ending it in a way I never even imagined - as a mother.  What a feeling!  I've been blessed beyond words, and I know all the readers who are mothers themselves will relate to this "feeling".  I'm grateful for my life and I now see the reason behind all that has happened prior to this moment.. And, it is only the beginning.

I'm eager to start 2011 with hope that I continue to be on the same path 2010 started me on.. I aspire to continue my journey of being the best human-being I can possibly be and at the same time an extraordinary example to my daughter.. I hope to continue to learn from all the gifted souls that have crossed my path unexpectedly this year but with so much impact that every time I think of them, my heart skips a beat.  Exquisite experiences they have brought in my life.

Happy New Year to all my readers and everyone, in my virtual world, who by a message, a poke, a comment or a like have encouraged me to continue writing, and to those in my "real" world, whose words, touches, phone calls, shared tears and laughter remind me that being human is a privilege and not a right.  I learn everyday from all of you and you help me reach my goal every day, one breath at a time.  I deeply love you all.

Many blessings to all of you from me and my little girl..

The Anastasia Effect

The cat is out of the bag. 

I'm adopting a baby girl.  I say adopting very loosely, because there are lots of legal stuff that need to go on until someone can actually "belong" to you.  So, I use the word "adopting" with the following meaning:  I will be the one loving, providing and caring for this child as if she were my own.  She will reside in my house and will call me mommy.  I will educate her, teach her and watch her grow into her own person.  Whether or not a piece of paper says she's "mine"... It doesn't matter.  She's already engraved in my heart. 

The story about Anastasia is long, a bit sad, but thankfully with a very happy ending for both she and I.  Her dad is an amazing person and I will share "custody" with him.  What a lucky little lady she is!  She was born on August 18, 2010.  The details of her birth are unknown to me.  I have some pictures of her.  Two from when she was first introduced to our world, and the rest came just before she turned two months. 

For nearly five years, I have lived my life to the best of my ability trying to integrate all that I was, all that I am and all that I hope to be into every cell of my being.  I have tried to make the best of every situation I have come across and see the silver lining behind every cloud.  I have tried to justify some things and learned a whole lot during this process.  I've become anything and everything, except a "victim of fate", I choose to see myself as a "surrenderer of fate."  I still can't assure anyone of all my attributes because I'm an unfolding experience, each and every moment.  And, each moment, I'm a bit more confident than the last one, sometimes, I'm a bit less, but this cycle moves a lot more forward than it does backwards... While in Brazil, last month, a beautiful soul told me, "There will come a time when there will be a lot less pain in your life and a lot more laughter."  Well, my friends, the time has come. 

I'm a mother.  I'm a mother, now, along with the infinite other things that I am.  I love it.  It's not the label of it that has changed something inside my heart.  It's the feeling I get when I think of it.  I don't care if the whole world doesn't see me as a mother, because inside of me, even if I didn't  carry my daughter for 9 months, her face is imprinted on every nucleus of my cells.  I, no longer, care who I was, what I did or what has happened to me.  All that matters now is who I will be to this little human.  Evey single one of my actions will impact her life, thus causing a reaction accordingly.  I'm more aware of me.  I'm more aware of my experiences.  I'm a lioness on the prowl watching over her precious, defenseless cub.  I am focused and I feel alive.  Because, this precious little human was born and I was lucky to have been chosen to help raise her, I feel more alive.  I feel as if I had been waiting for her all my life. 

All these feelings, and I haven't even met her yet...

Being & Doing

I admit that I have lost the practice of multi-tasking.  For thirty years, my life was a big juggle.  Within that big juggle, there were other mini-juggles.  Every situation I found myself in involved an enormous amount of multi-tasking, that, with time, became natural... Robotically natural.  Do, do, do... I was always doing something to accomplish something, to be somewhere, to impress/avoid someone... I was always busy doing, because I was afraid of just being.

Fortunately, I see that now.  As events unfolded in my life and allowed me to have loooong periods of self-reflection, I, reluctantly, admitted that I had ceased to be, I had become a do-er.  I truly felt that the Earth would not make its way around the Sun if I weren't doing something in my own life (how presumptuous!). 

Yesterday, I had one of the biggest realizations of my life.. I've let go.  I struggled at first.. Letting go is not easy.  Not-knowing is not easy.  The great paradox of it all is that the more I have surrendered to the unknowing-ness and allowed myself to "let go and let God", things LITERALLY have been handed to me or been placed on my lap effortlessly. 

One thing is to read about the theory of letting go and trust that it will all fall into place, and another is the act of giving your trust wholeheartedly to the Universe and be certain that the road never traveled is the only road to travel... I haven't multi-tasked in, well, a long time... The great thing is I don't miss it.  I enjoy my momentous focus.. One breath at a time.. I follow my intuition to what feels right and act upon that calling.. I'm no longer an unfocused, multi-tasking do-er.  I know with certainty that just by being, things will get worked out.. The Earth will not stop its solar rotation (Pheew!).

The discernment between being and doing is the key... There's a time to be and a time to do... Although, I strive to get to a point where just being is enough doing.