Living My Element With Sylwia - Day 90-98

Exercise. Exercise. Exercise.

I did it.  It feels good.  It feels natural.  It feels like me.

Two weeks of straight exercising, and it is a big thing for me.  I realized that I was so infatuated with running, or the fact that once upon a time I was a runner.  I was reluctant to give myself wholly to a new type of exercise and fall in love with it too, because then, that identity of being a "runner" would no longer hold true (even if I haven't been a runner for almost 6 years).  I'm opening myself up to new forms of movement.  It took a long time for this realization to flourish and I'm glad that I had Sylwia's guidance through it.

I have stopped defining myself as something or the other.  I'm open to all things and always looking for the next best thing.  "How can it get better than this?" is my new motto.. Even if things seem perfect.. Always be open.

I'm open and I'm exercising.  Kudos for me.

Living My Element With Sylwia - Day 77-89

I'm back on track, even though I'm scavenging for any little energy inside of me to begin an exercise program.  I remember that in my last talk with Sylwia, we decided that would be the only goal for me to work on these past two weeks.  I think about it daily, but really don't do much about it.

I have all the excuses in the book .. pain, tiredness, drowsiness from medication, boo boo on booty, not enough time, etc.  It's pretty much endless.

I realized, however, that I miss it.  Exercising is part of my genetic make-up.  I miss running.  It used to be so effortless, I think I still have not committed to anything that replaces the runner's high, thus making me skeptical to start anything else... I think it's something that I thought was nothing, when all along Sylwia was right - she knew there was some blockage between me and exercise, before I was even able to recognize it myself.  She suggested I collapse exercising (Demartini style), I resisted, but I have to agree she is on to something with her suggestion.

It's pretty amazing how one thing we may think so insignificant has such powerful effects on us.

I'm just grateful for Sylwia.  In every way.

<3

Living My Element With Sylwia - Day 63-76 (Flying Trapeze)

During this period, I had a huge epiphany.  It's as if all the little whispers I had been getting from my body and all the information I have been receiving from Sylwia connected.  My body knows what it wants.  It asks for it.  I feel it.  I can feel it if I give it a chance to speak to me.  It's pretty amazing.  There's no set way  except BEING KIND to it.  My body needs kindness... from me, especially me.  It's been such a revealing epiphany.  Simple and profound.

As I spoke to dear Sylwia yesterday, our conversation reverted to my anxieties... Ones that I have been shoveling down with sugar fixes.  The more I discover and conquer a tiny area of my life, another one unfolds in the dark.  To make it clear and bright requires work from my part and digging into myself again. The work is relentless.  I'm not afraid of the work so much, but I admit I am afraid of finding out that what I think I know about myself isn't 100% congruent with my priorities at all.  A tiny tinge of fear lingers inside me.. "Am I doing the right thing?  Am I saying the right words?  Am I being true to myself?"  Those are the questions that haunt me during the night and wake me up from a sound sleep.  They bombard my head while I play with my daughter making me second guess my job as a mother.  They nag at me while I interact with others, making me doubt the person I say I am.  "Who am I?"  That is the ultimate quest and question.

The certainty of something sometimes slips away and leaves me with this vast void of unsureness.  I look around and evaluate my life.. There is no room for unsureness.  As Sylwia told me last night.. "Maybe your body is asking for a break."  I think she's right.  It's time to reconnect.  Cease the intellectual from taking over and let the heart do some exploring.  Allow the soul to soar and re-discover, re-create itself.  My endless attachment to the ego can subside once in a while.  I understand that the fear to let go of what is known and dive into the unknown is not only a fear of mine; it is a fear that is shared amongst all of us who dare to become more, do more, learn more.. infinitely.  I realize and accept my duty to peel off each layer of myself until my vulnerable core is exposed, no smoking veil to hide it.  At this core, where I am my truest self, I am.  I do.  I have.  So many factors play together, it is soothing to know there is always time.

After our healing conversation (in more ways than I can express, and she can possibly imagine) Sylwia sent me this beautiful piece.. I read.  I cried.  I began to reconnect.

The Flying Trapeze 

Sometimes, I feel that my life is a series of trapeze swings. I'm either hanging on to a trapeze bar swinging along or, for a few moments, I'm hurdling across space between the trapeze bars.

Mostly, I spend my time hanging on for dear life to the trapeze bar of the moment. It carries me along a certain steady rate of swing and I have the feeling that I'm in control. I know most of the right questions, and even some of the right answers. But once in a while, as I'm merrily, or not so merrily, swinging along, I look ahead of me into the distance, and what do I see? 

I see another trapeze bar looking at me. It's empty. And I know, in that place in me that knows, that this new bar has my name on it. It is my next step, my growth, my aliveness coming to get me. In my heart of hearts I know that for me to grow, I must release my grip on the present well-known bar to move to the new one.

Each time it happens, I hope—no, I pray—that I won't have to grab the new one. But in my knowing place, I know that I must totally release my grasp on my old bar, and for some moments in time I must hurtle across space before I can grab the new bar. Each time I do this I am filled with terror. It doesn't matter that in all my previous hurdles I have always made it. 

Each time I am afraid I will miss, that I will be crushed on unseen rocks in the bottomless basin between the bars. 

But I do it anyway. I must.

Perhaps this is the essence of what the mystics call faith. No guarantees, no net, no insurance, but we do it anyway because hanging on to that old bar is no longer an option. And so, for what seems to be an eternity but actually lasts a microsecond. I soar across the dark void called "the past is over, the future is not yet here." It's called a transition. I have come to believe that it is the only place that real change occurs. 

I have a sneaking suspicion that the transition zone is the only real thing, and the bars are the illusions we dream up to not notice the void. Yes, with all the fear that can accompany transitions, they are still the most vibrant, growth-filled, passionate moments in our lives.

And so transformation of fear may have nothing to do with making fear go away, but rather with giving ourselves permission to "hang out" in the transition zone -- between the trapeze bars -- allowing ourselves to dwell in the only place where change really happens. 

Hurdling through the void, we just may learn to fly.

Living My Element With Sylwia - Day 51-62

This is the longest that I have gone without reporting anything about my new way of eating and living, both on the blog and in my personal journal.  It's been so long that I pretty much forgot to pay attention.  These 11 days were a bit anxiety filled.  I have been faced to make some decisions and while I hit my head on the wall wondering what to do.. I ate comfort food.  In my case, ICE CREAM.  Yes, I scream for ice cream all the time.  Since I made up my mind and chose the scary route.. The need for comfort food or escape food vanished.  Whether or not the choice I made is the right choice (it is in my heart), it doesn't matter.. I feel better.  I think the worst thing that happened was my immobilization for fear of making the "wrong" choice, instead of just making any choice, period.

Coincidentally, today, beautiful Sylwia came back from a trip to South Africa.  She attended an amazing Dr. Demartini seminar down there - Prophecy I.  I can't wait to chat with her tonight and catch up on what she learned, and what I should be looking forward to, since he's coming to Miami in October to teach that same seminar.  I can't afford Australia or South Africa yet.  Perhaps, when Anastasia is a bit older.. We'll follow Dr. Demartini around the globe too!

Living My Element With Sylwia - Day 50

Two great things happened today.  The first one has nothing to do with my mindful eating commitment.. I fell deeper in love with my daughter.  The second one, however, is totally related to the topic.

I started this crusade to be 100% aware of everything I put inside my body, because I was sick and tired of being sick and tired; in addition, I have been having bouts of lethargy that make me feel like I'm super lazy.  So, combine all these great things with being immobile for most of the time... Not so happy about the results.  Today, I went in to get my quarterly Botox shots in my calf muscles and in my Quadradus Lombarum (to help w/ spasticity).  As he injected me, I told him I was interested in the Intrathecal Baclofen Pump.  It's a little complicated to describe, so if you are interested in knowing what it is, just google it.  The SCI crew who follows my blogs will understand what it is.

As he answered all my questions and concerns about the procedure, he hit on a MAJOR benefit.  "You will eliminate 2 of your oral medications, especially Clonazepam (which I also take for spasms).  Clonazepam makes you lethargic and gives you a cotton mouth feeling."  What music to my ears!  Having energy again.. I thought I was doomed to feel tired all the time and would never shake off the feeling that I'm always too exhausted to have any type of social life, do any type of exercise, get out of my required routine in general.  I will have a little pump inside my body with a catheter that leads into my spinal cord, but it will cut doctor's visits, oral medications, increase energy and decrease spasms.  It's a win-win all around for now.

Day 50 has been really good.  Complete awareness of how I am treating my body has been leading me to find solutions to problems I once thought I was stuck with for ever.  I'm a happy camper.  I'm thinking of a trial date in mid to late September.

Living My Element With Sylwia - Day 43-49

It's been a while since I've written about my eating habit change commitment, and that's because all is well.  Pretty much status quo.  There is no updates.  The cleansing served its purpose.  I am drinking so much liquid, as I don't feel as hungry as I feel thirsty.  Good thing!

There is a lot on my plate right now, I know balance is the key.  I am a bit overwhelmed by it all, and at the same time ignited by this undying fire to keep it all going.  I am keeping in mind my health, which is priority for me to continue doing what I am doing.

Life is busy and good!

Check back soon for more daily habits updates.

living My Element With Sylwia - Day 42

I know it's a bit too early to write about my whole day's eating intake and how my cleansing is going, however, I have a feeling the remainder of the day will be like it has been.

I have overloaded my body with fiber.  For the past 4 or 5 days, I have eaten above the required intake of fiber.  It's been great to eliminate a bunch of toxins or stagnant crap that sometimes gets stuck inside of us, but I'm not sure that a fiber overload has been the best thing for my body.  I feel a little lethargic.  All I want to do is sleep.

Today was supposed to be day 5 (Read the first blog about the cabbage soup diet and it describes what day 5 should be like.)  I took my own route and fed myself what my body was asking for.  In the morning, I had a big glass of water, about 1 hour later, I had 1/2 of a multi-grain bagel.  For lunch, I had lettuce, tomatoes, some avocado and a can of tuna.  I also had a carrot/orange juice/smoothie.  No soup as of yet.  And, I'm not very sure if there will be any soup intake today.

So, I did not finish the cleansing as it was written, but I accomplished what I set out to accomplish.  I spent almost a week eating nothing but natural ingredients.  No soda, no refined sugar, no red meat.  Lots of water, greens, #1 and #2 (lol).   I feel cleansed.  Now it's a matter of keeping up the equilibrium and not dive into the sugary fest or soda fountain whenever a little craving comes along.

Still working on fitting exercise into my schedule.. ;p

Living My Element With Sylwia - Day 41

Banana day... with skim milk.. and soup.. Can you feel the excitement?  Today was like day 2.  Not great.  I'm not a huge fan of bananas.  I rarely drink regular milk.  And, I'm sooooo tired of that cabbage soup!

Nevertheless, I got through the day.  Only drank 8oz of milk though.  I forced myself to eat the bananas and the tasty soup.  I'm done for the day.

I must say that I did stray from the day's recommended food choices and had a super smoothie with:

• oranges
• strawberries
• blueberries
• pears
• kale

That was definitely yummy!!!

My stomach is screaming at me right now!


This is how I like my bananas and my milk:

Living My Element With Sylwia - Day 40

Day 3 of this cleansing has been a breeze.  Except that I've been losing water like there is no tomorrow!!!  Since today I am allowed to eat fruits and veggies along with the soup, it's been a lot easier than yesterday. A lot more variety.  Green smoothies incorporating both fruits and veggies and of course the cabbage soup.

In the morning I made an awesome smoothie with oranges, strawberries, frozen blueberries, kale and water.  Mid morning snack, I had a pear.  Lunch, I had soup.  For dinner, I'll have a little bit of avocado in my salad, and some soup again.

Lots of Smart Water.  Lots of pee-pee.

Tomorrow... Banana & milk day.. Stay tuned.

Living My Element With Sylwia - Day 39

Today was day 2 of the cleansing.  Rough!  Only veggies and the soup all day long.  The soup is delicious, however, I'm the type of person that needs variety and eating the same thing for 7 days straight, ugh.. kinda difficult to swallow (literally)!

Today, I ate the soup for breakfast - yummy, I know.  Then for lunch I had a lot of steamed broccoli, carrots and sauteed zucchini.  A bit more soup.  For dinner, left over carrots and broccoli from lunch, a large baked potato with a little Smart Balance butter (or margarine - not sure what it is), no soup.  I drank about 32 oz of water all day throughout the day.. Not a lot, but a lot for me.

Now, as far as the water is concerned.. I have tried to go the green route and stop buying bottled water.  What that does is makes me drink less and less water.  I like distilled water.  I always drank distilled water prior to being hurt.  I decided, then, to go back to my old habit and started drinking Smart Water.  I, personally, love the distilled taste with some electrolytes thrown in.  It helps me crave it and drink more of it (even if it means more potty and cathing.. blah.)

So, that is today's cleansing update.  It's been rough.  I took a 2 hour nap in the afternoon, because physiologically this is a big shock to the body.  You eat constantly.  You, actually, eat as much soup as you want (if you want), in the same token, everything you eat is a natural diuretic and laxative!  The body gets rid of lots of crap - my little pun!

Tomorrow, is fruits + veggies + soup!  The fruit smoothies will be a break from today's veggie only regime.

'Till tomorrow.

Living My Element with Sylwia - Day 36-38

You know how most people say, "I'll start the diet on Monday," or "I'll begin to exercise on Monday?"  Well, I'm not one of those people.  I, usually, start things whenever I'm bitten by the bug.  There is no order or rhyme to when or why I do anything of the type.  I do them whenever I feel I'm ready to start doing them.  No need for a special month, week-day, time or occasion.  I feel like doing it, I do it.

I started this program with Sylwia to learn more about me and food in general.  It has been a way to acknowledge my body and its needs on a complete different level than I have ever experienced before.  There is no guilt, no judging and no regrets.  It's all part of a learning experience.  I will be speaking to Sylwia very shortly, so I'll keep this post to the point.

I have started a 7-day cleansing process.  I eat all the time, drink gallons of water and my body thanks me for the gifts.   I've done this once before, shortly after my accident when I was in Brazil.  I was still disposing of accumulated corticosteroids in my system and needed a way to cleanse myself naturally and quickly.  In Brazil, they call it the cabbage soup diet.  I prefer to change the word diet to something else, such as "cleansing".  This is what the process entails for 7 straight days:

• Day 1 - you may eat all the fruit you want and drink as much of the soup you want throughout the whole day.  You may drink tea, juices and water.
• Day 2 - eat all the veggies you want.  No fruits allowed.  Also drink as much of the soup as you'd like throughout the day.  At night, eat a boiled potato with butter.  You may drink water.
• Day 3 - Combine days 1 & 2, but no potato.  Soup as desired. 
• Day 4 - Eat up to 6 bananas (you'll be peeing like Seabiscuit, therefore losing lots of potassium).  You may drink as much skim milk as you wish.  Soup all day as desired.  The banana day deters sweet cravings as well.
• Day 5 - 17 oz of meat and up to 6 tomatoes throughout the day, accompanying the soup.  Drink at least 6 to 8 cups of water this day to get rid of the uric acid build up in your body.  (I'm personally changing red meat to fish)
• Day 6 - All the meat and legumes you can eat.  Soup all day. 
• Day 7 - Brown rice, natural fruit juices and vegetables.  Drink the soup all day.  

SOUP RECIPE:

 Ingredients:

6 large onions

2 green peppers

1 or 2 tomatoes

1 carrot

2 cups of celery

1 whole cabbage

chicken flavor bouillon

salt and pepper to taste

Cut all the ingredients up in small edible pieces.  Put it all in a pot, fill up with 14-16 cups of water.  Bring it to a low boil for a whole hour.  Fifteen minutes before it's ready, put in seasoning.
Very yummy!

This is what I did today:

• Fruit smoothie for breakfast (strawberries, frozen blueberries, raspberries and blackberries, oranges, water, pear, one scoop of vanilla Jay Robb whey protein sugar free)
• Soup for lunch
• Fruit smoothie for snack (pineapple, mint, ginger, apple, water, ice)
• Soup for dinner
• Oh, and loads of water!  Yay for my water intake.  

Tomorrow is my all veggie day.. I'll let y'all know how it goes.


<3

Living My Element with Sylwia - Day 31-35

This will be short and simple.

I have been EXTREMELY busy lately.  For the past week, I have condensed my priorities to the very basics.  My daughter, writing, eating and sleeping (bodily functions included).

I haven't had time to do anything else.  Occasionally, I have gone through the whole day without eating anything, because I'm so caught up in doing the other stuff.  When that happens, I binge at night.

I'm not doing well, food wise.  Really not.  And, honestly, it's okay.  I'm conscious of my decisions.  I know that my plate is full right now.  And, my priority is focused on some projects that are going on right now.  I am positive that the "get healthy" but will bite me soon enough to get back on track and feel better about my body and weight.

That is it.

xoxoxo

Living My Element With Sylwia - Day 28-30

I continue to feel better.  I know, however, I am not 100% yet.  These past couple of days I took sometime to reflect on everything my body went through from the beginning of the year until now.  Wow!  It has been through a lot - of course nothing compared to getting into a major car crash - but, 4 months of very strong antibiotics can do a number on your physiology.

I tend to get frustrated with slow moving results, but instead I'm celebrating every tiny victory.  Knowledge is power, so while my body builds itself back up to its full energy potential, I am reading, learning and discovering lots.  It has been great preparation for when I feel this little beat up body of mine is ready.  What I am really referring to is exercising.  Prior to getting injured, I ran.  I loved running.  I have found a substitute exercise for running - handcycling.  I tried to participate in the West Palm Beach marathon last year, but couldn't due to "not feeling right" (later I found the abscess in my lung).  Now, I'm waiting, patiently, on my body to heal itself so that I can start training.  I'm not pressuring myself or rushing anything.  It's a goal of mine, for when I'm ready.

I've found out that food also speaks to me.  Yeah, I know it sounds a little loony.  I can, actually, look at a piece of fruit and feel a tingle in the area of my body that the fruit will benefit me in.  It's pretty amazing.  I'm having a lot of fun feeling out the energy of food and paying attention to my body's response to it.

I do believe that there is a point in our lives when everything falls into place.  If there is not some type of chaos or uncomfortableness with something, to me, it means that we are too afraid of stepping out of the box and doing something out of our ordinary routine.  It has been very challenging to keep myself conscious at all times of what I'm eating, thinking, feeling, doing.  It requires a lot of honesty (mostly to myself), and I believe that it is a bit draining to.  It is sooo much easier to drown uncomfortableness with a piece of dark chocolate or some ice cream.  Facing the music and facing whatever is challenging my "dance space" head on is scary at times.  However, like I said in the beginning of the paragraph... I do believe there will be a point where it will all fall into place.  I'm looking forward to sharing that moment on here.

Cheers.

Living My Element With Sylwia - Day 26-27

As much as I wanted to skip writing about the past couple of days, I decided that my commitment to this lifestyle change works both ways.  I cannot only boast about the good days.  I need to be honest about the crappy days too.

I ate crappy for two days.  I'm talking about greasy, sugary, salty crappy.  Not proud of it... But.. it happened.  As I'm writing about it now, I can totally understand why I made such bad choices.  Wow!  I completely disconnected from myself for the past 48 hours for some personal reasons and subconsciously ran to the wrong type of food.  My comfort food.  Very interesting that I'm making this connection now.

I'm thinking that I might need to commit myself in a much deeper level than I thought I needed.  I need to have a present state of mind EVERY SECOND.  I'm easily distracted, and I know the all the mommies out there can agree with me.  It's hard to keep track of you when you have your heart walking around outside your body.  Looking at it from a different angle, I'm glad I relapsed.  It was a way to bring me back to focus and my own center.

My days have been completely consumed with raising Anastasia and still aiming to feel complete from my last pneumonia episode.  I'm not feeling the exercising urge yet, and I believe that I'm punishing myself quietly for it.. by eating junk.  Water has been my best friend!  At least that.  Sylwia sent me a book that she says inspired her to begin exercising.. I'll start reading it very soon.

I'm relieved that I don't feel like erasing these past 2 days from history anymore.  Just by opening up about it a little helped me go a tad deeper into myself and see what the real reason behind me giving into the food that doesn't do me any good.

Living My Element With Sylwia - Day 21-25

Finally... Clean bill of health.  For now.  I'm rejoicing for the moment.  

As far as my commitment to being more mindful about my nutrition, still on.  I, actually, have revamped my entire daily multi-vitamin intake.  I take a lot of them.  

More liquids - check.  More exercise - still to come.  More energy - check (YAY!!!).  More energy was definitely one of the goals I started out with, and thought that changing my eating habits around a bit would help me achieve it.  I also found out I had pneumonia in the meanwhile.  Maybe, the lack of energy was due to my recovery mode since late January?? Whatever the reason was, I hope that what I'm doing for myself will help prevent future troughs in my immune system.  

Now, that I am healthy(ier), I can begin to link the food I eat with how I feel.  I'm looking forward to that. 

Hoping to start exercising on Monday.  My beautiful nutrition coach sent me 3 amazing books in the mail to help me with the process.  I'm looking forward to devouring them in the next couple of weeks.  I'll write about each one.  Thank you, Sylwia, you rock!!

AFTERTHOUGHT:

I wanted to pay a little homage to someone who lifted my spirits so greatly when I was feeling sicky poo.  Marissa Cohen (founder of Happy Ganesh).  Marissa is an astrologer, writer, editor and she's brilliant.  A while back, I told her I wanted to schedule a coaching session with her to get back into my writing.  Since Anastasia's arrival, the writing has taken a bit of a back seat in my life.  I miss it terribly.  Having a baby is not cheap, and I told Marissa that I needed to hold back on the coaching session, because some unexpected expenses came up.  To my surprise, Marissa sent me a care package via USPS, which included a book about Albert Einstein (one of my idols), a journal with guidance on the first 10 or so pages and a small little gift.  As I read the note she sent with the package, I cried in gratitude.  Divine order is everywhere, all the time.  Thank you, Marissa, from the bottom of my heart; your gesture will for ever be remembered.  

You can find out more about Marissa's work on www.happyganesh.net.  

Living My Element With Sylwia - Day 18-20

My body talks to me.  Who knew?  I never really grasped the reality of it until Sylwia called me this weekend to check up on my health and pointed it out to me.  It's pretty remarkable.  I can't feel 2/3 of my body, yet, I feel connected to it in every way and it is wise enough to subtly let me know everything I'm doing right or wrong by it.

I spent the whole weekend - whole entire weekend - resting in bed.  I started my antibiotics to fight off this yucky pneumonia, and I am feeling the results.  Yay!  Amazingly, I feel that catching the pneumonia was meant to be.  It's hard to imagine someone would be grateful for catching a disease, but I am.  It allowed me to rest (even though in the beginning was very much against my will) and realize that I was living my life all wrong again.  Living for priorities and values that weren't mine.  I have had time to reflect on what is important for me, and re-prioritize everything that needed work.  I thought first of my health and my daughter.

As this transformation happened, other things started falling into place and re-assuring me that I'm on the right track.  I call them mini-miracles.

My body is talking to me, and I am all ears.  I am aware of the communication that's been bridged between us and I'm so grateful for it.  I'm honored to have such a wise body.

Sylwia suggested I work on a couple of affirmations for the next couple of weeks.  Nothing else.  Lots is going on and I didn't want to feel overwhelmed.  I made a stance that from now on, everything I do will be a labor of love, not just labor.  I want the feeling of "I'm so excited to be doing this" not the "I have to do this".  I thought of two affirmations that will repeat in my mind and heart to help me get healthier and advance to a new level of body/mind/soul consciousness:

* I lovingly treat my body as my blessed vessel.  I take care of it and it responds back by giving me abundant health.


* I use the unconditional power of love to heal and care for my body as it asks me to. 

For now, that's it.  I have to go.  My body is talking to me.  ;)

Living My Element With Sylwia - Day 15-17

I don't even know where to begin ... As far as reporting these last 3 days, wow... All I know is that as I write, I'm lying in bed, laptop on my lap, trying to organize my thoughts as I make sense of the whirlwind that has been happening.  I'm sick again.  Surprise, surprise.

I guess it all began in January when I was diagnosed with an abscess in my right lung.  It was the size of a melon. It was drained, and as part of the treatment, I needed to have subsequent CT-Scans to check on the progress of the treatment.  Last Wednesday, day 15, was my last CT-Scan.  Apparently, the previous infection has improved, but I, now, have a new one.  Pneumonia on the upper lobe of my right lung.

I hadn't been feeling well for a while, but thought that my lack of energy was a result of some type of mental block, maybe a depression.  I never thought, or maybe didn't want to face the fact that it could be pneumonia - again.

Nevertheless, I have continued to pay attention to my eating.  Liquids intake has definitely improved.  Exercising, well.. still working on that one.  That will probably start happening again once the antibiotics take effect.

As bummed out as I was to know that I had pneumonia again, even though this time isn't nearly as horrible as the beginning of the year, I'm relieved to know that my sluggishness is the result of my body being sick and not some phantom depression I thought I was suffering from.  Also, an even newer, more centered form of respect has developed towards myself and my body by going through this.  It is teaching me to listen, and honor every little ache and pleasure I feel.

This is the only body I have.  It's gone through hell and back.  Mostly, I've put it through hell by not honoring it enough or as it should have been honored from the day I knew better.  This is my body, and it serves me daily.  It is my precious temple and best refuge.  It is where I turn to when I need "me" time, I go inward.  It is what I adorn when I want to feel prettier.  It might not be a perfect body, but it perfectly fits me.  It's a privilege to have it.  And, I, finally, love it.  I love it for everything that it was, is and could be.  I'm learning to be kinder to it.

I don't think all this could have happened if I had not made a conscious choice to be more aware, present and loving of myself.

AFTERTHOUGHT:
I usually tape the Oprah shows and watch them when I have free time.  Some time in the beginning of the week, before I went to sleep, I watched her last show on weight loss.  I was awed by the story of a mother and daughter who were overweight.  Through some hard moments, the mother taught her young daughter that food was the medication to grief, and the habit of running to food for "whenever things got hard" was formed.  The mother, eventually, began to take charge of her life and health.  She, not only, started to eat right but also enrolled herself in races and subsequently triathlons.  She, never, however, imposed a weight loss regimen on her 11 year old daughter who, then, was 50 lbs overweight.  The daughter took the initiative herself by watching her mom take charge of her life.  As they walked out onto the stage at Harpo Studios with their new looks, I had an A-HA moment.  I decided I wanted to live a life of examples to my daughter.  A life of unsaid "do as I do, not as I say".  


Educating myself on eating habits for my own benefit has brought me an even bigger gift.  I can show my daughter that she can be proactive in finding out what is fitting for her lifestyle and what isn't.  It will help me teach her to be her own person, early on.  Most importantly, it will help me teach her to listen, honor and love herself just the way she is.  

Living My Element With Sylwia - Day 9-14

I've been away from the computer to be able to report my daily progress on my new lifestyle.

In the beginning, I had a good=pleasurable reason.  The first night, I had dinner with an old high school friend, whom I care for dearly.  We hadn't seen each other in over 16 years and catching up seemed so natural and open, it seemed like we hadn't seen each other no longer than a day.  The second night, I had   two dear friends come to visit and one stayed over night, since she lives in Orlando.

Honestly, there was not much mindful eating during these days, but I got a lot of primary food from those encounters.  My need for secondary food was minimal.  Essentially when I was hungry.  I was filled with exhilaration from meeting with such dear people and share a little over 48 hours of careless girl talk, laughter and reminiscing.

Saturday night, it all caught up to me.

I hadn't been feeling all great already during the week.  I felt my immune system warning me subtly that it wasn't at 100% speed, but I pushed myself to the limit anyway.  You would think I should know better by now.  Unfortunately, the adventurer part in me (or at least what is left of her) kept challenging me to keep the candle burning on both ends a little further.  Saturday night, I discovered that I had a pressure sore on my sacral area (for those unfamiliar w/ what that is, I encourage you to look it up at all its stages).  Not a good thing, to say the least.

My doctor, who is also a friend, called me on Friday night from her son's Capoeira class, where she had seen my sister, and sounded extremely concerned with the update on my health that my sister had given her.  We played phone tag until Sunday night.  I knew by Saturday night that it wold be in my best ultimate interest to respect/honor my body and give it the rest it has been BEGGING for.  I've been in bed rest ever since.  I, occasionally, get up to eat, shower, see the moon, play with my daughter and see the world.  My life for the past 60ish hours has been spent mostly in bed, staying off my tush.  Not very fun, but I am thankful for Words With Friends on iPhone (and my 20 odd opponents ;)).

Tomorrow I go for a CT-Scan to see how my body has been fighting off a lung infection discovered in the beginning of the year.  For the past month, I've been antibiotic free.  I'm curious to see how my precious body has done.  Kudos to it, if I get a clean bill of health.  I'm hopeful.  Otherwise, I believe some more antibiotics (probably more aggressive ones, perhaps even another drainage of the bottom lobe... ugh).  The good that has come out of it all is that I am certain my eating habits will help me beat whatever it is that is holding me down to maximize my energy.  I, suddenly, had the much awaited A-HA moment.  Although, I should come right back to bed after the scan, I will make a quick stop at WholeFoods and stock up in some good super foods and once again get back on track.

Thank you all in advance for all the good vibes, prayer, well-wishing thoughts - whatever you want to call them - they work!  Without them, I wouldn't be here today.

Much love to all of you who read these posts.. They are usually a reminder to myself to keep myself in check, and it brightens my heart that some people are inspired by them.  So many blessings and grace to all of you who read.



Afterthought:
I just came back from a little trip to my front yard, because my live-in nannie told me how beautiful the moon was.  And.. Wow! It is amazing.. I came back in with another level of energy.  I love the moon. The stars. And everything in between.

Living My Element With Sylwia - Day 8

Day 8.. I'm under the weather.  Being a girl is not fun sometimes, if you catch my drift.  One thing I have noticed is that my urges to eat sweets during this time have diminished a whole lot.  I have been eating lots of foods that combine with my blood type.  Lucky for me, I always liked a colorful plate and all the stuff on the list to guide me are the things I, highly, enjoy eating.

I increased my liquid intake a bit today, very little water, but mostly tea, almond milk and lime juice.  No exercising yet.

I'm not understanding one facet of the process, though, I'm breaking out in tiny little (almost invisible) bumps on my face.  I don't usually break out, and I am not sure if this has anything to do with the diet.

I spent most of the day trying to sleep off my sluggishness and only got up to eat and shower.  Hoping for a better tomorrow.

Not much to report today.

Living My Element With Sylwia - Day 7

Last night I had my 2nd Skype date with Sylwia.  We went over my goals for the next 1, 3 and 6 months mostly, and cleared up some doubts on my daily ... progress, I could call it.

The best thing about this new way of life is that there is no pressure.  It's a beautiful thing.  All I do is pay attention to what I'm doing, feeling or dealing with when I have the urge or impulse to put something in my mouth.  For the past 7 days, these urges have diminished significantly.  I am not forcing myself not to eat something, or depriving my body of a certain nutrient because the "diet" doesn't allow it.  On the contrary, I am free to eat whatever I choose, as long as I do it mindfully.  Mindful eating.  Mindful eating was such a strange concept for me, and I am pretty proud to have grasped its meaning and benefits so quickly.

I am conscious that I probably repeat myself a lot when describing my daily "progresses." The reason why I do it is because I follow the thought process that the more one repeats something to oneself, the more they integrate it into every cell of their bodies.  I do not want to grasp the concept intellectually only, I want to feel it, live it, be it.  So, the repeating information over and over is really beneficial to me.  There has been a certain shift of consciousness in my brain when it comes to food.  It is pretty fascinating.

Last night, we agreed I would focus on two things for the next 2 weeks:

- drink 32oz of H20 daily (I know, not that much, but considering the cathing situation I explained before, it's a good way to start)
- increase exercise.. ideally cardio 3x a week

There was no water or exercise today.  I always have tomorrow. : )