The Type of Mom I Am

For the past 11 months, I have been trying to work the new role of "momhood" into my life and trying out the different hats that moms wear all the time. I have learned so much about myself. And, what's stuck with me most is that I'm the type of mom that doesn't like to follow the mainstream trend of what moms are supposed to be like. I know that works great for some people, sometimes not for others, definitely not for me.

I have decided to take a step back and take a look at what activities do fulfill me as a person and therefore make me a better mom for my child. I realized I probably will not be the type of mom that will go to every soccer/ballet/piano/volleyball/swimming/etc. practice, but I will be there for every game. I am the type of mom who enjoys reading, exploring, teaching and listening to what my child has to say. I like to take naps with her. I like to see her make a mess when she drinks water and pretends she's a cherub fountain. I like to see her act tomboyish and stand her ground. Since I'm a homebody, and rather spend my time and energy traveling and meeting new people from new places (and right now she's too young to come along), I have left the extra-curricular activities such as walks, beach days, water park days and things of that nature to my sister and her nannie (who by the way do a wonderful job with her).

I'm the kind of mom that at the end of the day does not want to resent my daughter for anything. So, I decided to be honest with myself and admit that I'm just not good at somethings and have allowed others who are really good at those things to fill in that spot for me. I've learned that delegating what we don't value as much is a lot easier than I thought and at the end of the day, all the parties involved win. My daughter is not neglected at all, because I'm too embarrassed or proud to admit that I'm just not cut out to do somethings.

What type of mom am I? I really don't know if I can answer that question with total certainty yet. For now, I am allowing myself to explore and learning to appreciate the things that I do enjoy tremendously with her, and letting go of the ones that I don't enjoy so much. After all, she's a lucky little baby with lots of love, so why hog her all for myself?

p.s.- this year is her first Halloween with me. Stay tuned for pics of her in her adorable little costume! :)

What About Me? Part 2

I tried to update my Facebook profile today with my new "About Me" section information.  For some reason, it won't let me save the new text.  It allowed me to delete the old one, however.  Until they fix the bug, I'll publish my new "About Me" here in the meanwhile.  Here it is:

I feel it's time to update my about me section.  Change is constant.  Change is necessary.  There are things about me that still fit into that old about me description.  However, things in general have evolved, hence the need to update this section.  So, what about me?

I'm a proud mom.  I love being a mom.  I revere the opportunity of having been chosen to be my daughter's mom.  To her dad, I'm eternally grateful.  After becoming a mom, life has made more sense.  A connection with a Greater Power deepened and I can feel it every time I look into my child's eyes.  After becoming a mom, I worked harder to find  my true passions.  I decided I wanted to live a life of examples.  I discovered that motherhood, writing and inspiring are my three most esteemed activities.  For now, for this unfolding moment, there's nothing I'd rather do.  

After becoming a mom, I learned the meaning of unconditional love.  I learned that my mom is exceptional.  I also learned that in order to be the best mom I can be to my daughter, I have to love me first.  I have learned to invest a percentage of the love I have for her in myself - it's a win-win situation all the time.  I learned that I will never be a perfect mom, and I finally learned to be okay with that.  

There was no way I could leave the old about me section up, unchanged, when every atom in my body has metamorphosed.  This caterpillar is finally becoming a butterfly. 

In Love With My Daughter

Beautiful Anastasia will soon be 10 months old.  She will soon be a toddler.  Life has been busy.  I'm blessed that I can afford to pay someone to help me with her.  Being a mom is hard enough, being a mom in a wheelchair... triple that.  Even with all the help I have, I get to spend a lot less time on doing the things that I once did.  My time is filled with eating schedules, nap times, teething pain, new baby sounds and teaching a soul in a little human body how to act like a descent human being here on Earth.  Meditation has now become a luxury.  Writing - every free chance I get.  Reading, ditto.  Exercising, embarrassed to say that it's non-existent right now.  Well.. life has changed.. for sure!

This morning, she slept in my arms.  I left her there.  We sat in the living room and as I looked at her, a glare from the sun light hitting the lake came through my window.  The light hit us both and, for a moment, I saw nothing else.  There were only she and I.  No furniture, no TV, no paintings on the wall, no shades, no toys, nothing else.  The light enveloped us.  I NEVER felt so much love towards someone in my entire life.  I watched her breathe and sleep so peacefully.  I teared up in gratitude.  Anastasia has not only made my life a lot more vibrant, but she teaches me everyday to be a better person.  She teaches me to be patient, loving, and understanding.  

Anastasia has taught me that I'm okay.  No matter what I've done, what I do or what I will do, she has shown me that I am also loved.  Just like the way I love her.  I, now, understand and feel my mom.  I see her in my own actions towards my daughter.  There is no greater love.  It takes being a mother to know what being a mother takes.  Actually, being a mother is a gift.  It's the hardest career with the best fringe benefits.  This little human has inspired me in so many ways.  To her, I will always be grateful.  I have never felt love the way she has brought it into my life.  It's a radiating light that emanates from deep within me. 

When I first heard the news of her coming into my life, she was already named.  I googled Anastasia to find out its meaning.  It is a name of Greek origin that means RESURRECTION.  That is exactly what she has done to me.  She has made me feel alive again.  I am in love with my daughter.

First Mother's Day

What can I say?  If I could walk, I'd be skipping around the whole day today.  It's grand.  I'm a MOM.  I love it.  I never thought I could love someone as much as I love my beautiful munchkin, and as much as I know that this Hallmark holiday is a huge marketing scheme to get some money into our economy... It feels nice to be celebrated.  I don't care about gifts.  I don't care about "Happy Mother's Day" salutations.  I do care about the little human being that walks outside of my body to the beating rhythm of my heart, I care about the look in her face when she seems me approach her, when she plays with my hair, face, fingers and falls asleep in my arms.

Happy mother, yes, I am.  Is it hard?  Oh yes!  Hardest job I ever endured, nonetheless, the MOST rewarding.

My daughter has brought sense to my life.  She has brought love, so much of it, that it can barely fit inside.  She is the best teacher I ever had and the most honest person I ever met.  I look in her eye and see endless possibilities, infinite dreams, waiting for her to think them up and go at them.  When I look deeper, I see her.  Simple, true, child, brilliant.  Brilliant creation, whether some say it's divine, and others say it's evolution.. Children are brilliant creations.

Happy mother, I am, because of my daughter, and also because I learned from a fantastic mother.  I learned from amazing mothers.  Ones who surround me everyday and share the gift of mothering with me as it is my first time.

Happy Mother's Day to all of you.