Sweet November... Gone

Have you ever wondered about where you would be if when you were given a set of choices you would have had chosen the one your heart desired the most at the time, instead of the one your brain (ego) weighed out for you?

I have often wondered about that. About so many things in my life. For a while now, the answer to every single one of the questions is the same. I would be exactly where I am at. NO MATTER what choice I would have picked when the choices were presented, life would have led me to where I am. I may have learned the lessons differently, some think I could have avoided many "heartaches" and "hardships." There was a time when I beat myself up so much for making the wrong choice and wishing I could have that split second again. As I have grown, learned and integrated the messages and lessons that have been crucial in my path, I can't even doubt the unbelievable wisdom behind ripple effect by every choice I made. It is literally mind blowing, and so very humbling. 

We are now in December, and as I watched one of my favorite movies "Sweet November", I remembered that one of my very life-defining decisions was made regarding someone who reminds me of this movie so much. It's been over eight years since I had that choice laid out before me, and went totally against my heart. Followed my instinct. Fight or flight. I was scared. Enveloped in fear and felt as if my heart had been torn to a million pieces. In hind-sight, I was like a baby deer running from a lion. The wall I built around me was palpable, and I felt like I had made such a mistake at the time. I lived in regret for so long. I used to think that the month I spent with this person was the most special month of my entire life. I felt as if I was ruined because no one else could ever compare to how I felt with them. 

Once I learned and applied the teachings from Dr. D. that nothing is missing, it just changes forms, I began to see that nothing was a mistake, I acted the best I knew how. I see the traits I missed from that person all around me now, in different people. From regret to gratitude, from fear to love I can say that sweet November will last forever. We have been entangled in the matrix. Although the title says "Gone", I use that word to describe the perception I had when I made the decision. It has never arrived or left. Sweet November always existed in my life. Some times in the form of many, that one time in the form of one. Then, back to the form of many. 

What a small shift in perception can do!