In Love With My Daughter

Beautiful Anastasia will soon be 10 months old.  She will soon be a toddler.  Life has been busy.  I'm blessed that I can afford to pay someone to help me with her.  Being a mom is hard enough, being a mom in a wheelchair... triple that.  Even with all the help I have, I get to spend a lot less time on doing the things that I once did.  My time is filled with eating schedules, nap times, teething pain, new baby sounds and teaching a soul in a little human body how to act like a descent human being here on Earth.  Meditation has now become a luxury.  Writing - every free chance I get.  Reading, ditto.  Exercising, embarrassed to say that it's non-existent right now.  Well.. life has changed.. for sure!

This morning, she slept in my arms.  I left her there.  We sat in the living room and as I looked at her, a glare from the sun light hitting the lake came through my window.  The light hit us both and, for a moment, I saw nothing else.  There were only she and I.  No furniture, no TV, no paintings on the wall, no shades, no toys, nothing else.  The light enveloped us.  I NEVER felt so much love towards someone in my entire life.  I watched her breathe and sleep so peacefully.  I teared up in gratitude.  Anastasia has not only made my life a lot more vibrant, but she teaches me everyday to be a better person.  She teaches me to be patient, loving, and understanding.  

Anastasia has taught me that I'm okay.  No matter what I've done, what I do or what I will do, she has shown me that I am also loved.  Just like the way I love her.  I, now, understand and feel my mom.  I see her in my own actions towards my daughter.  There is no greater love.  It takes being a mother to know what being a mother takes.  Actually, being a mother is a gift.  It's the hardest career with the best fringe benefits.  This little human has inspired me in so many ways.  To her, I will always be grateful.  I have never felt love the way she has brought it into my life.  It's a radiating light that emanates from deep within me. 

When I first heard the news of her coming into my life, she was already named.  I googled Anastasia to find out its meaning.  It is a name of Greek origin that means RESURRECTION.  That is exactly what she has done to me.  She has made me feel alive again.  I am in love with my daughter.