10 Things I Underestimated About Motherhood

A couple of years ago, when I was looking to adopt a foreign baby, and in the midst of finding out that I'd probably have to sell a kidney, a lung, an arm and my right ear to afford one, I was encouraged by my friends and family to go forward with it. What I was doing was a beautiful act, they would say. Then, I could already picture myself being a parent. I pictured so many things in the theoretical world of parenthood. I looked at parenthood in general with rose tinted glasses and dreamt that the exhilaration of calling a little human "my child" would take care of any and every obstacle that might - key word being "might - arise.

Life is life. There are always obstacles, mostly ones we create in our own minds. Nonetheless, they exist for us. Foreign baby adoption didnt occur, instead i was gifted with a beautiful domestic Princess. It was pure adrenaline at first and as things settled into a routine, I had a very difficult time dealing with some feelings that surfaced. My first step in understanding what was happening to me was to acknowledge every single emotion I felt towards my new role in life. I completely underestimated motherhood. For the past 8 months, I have come up with a long list of "stuff" I heard relentlessly from other mothers, but needed to learn through experience. Here are the top 10.

10. MOTHERS DON'T SLEEP.

This one I learned the first week of having the baby home. Yes, she would wake up every three hours back then to eat, but even when she slept, I hardly got any shut eye. Every single noise she'd make startled me and I would rush to her side.

9. MY SELF-IDENTITY WAS RESUMED TO ONE WORD: MOTHER

I was nobody else for a while except the little human's mother. I completely ceased to be who I was, for a little while at least. I completely revolved myself and my life around my baby.

8. THE LIONESS IN YOU AWAKENS

Our instincts become so acute that it is impossible to deny them. You begin understanding the meaning of each fuss and cry, when you enter a room the first things you notice are all the potential threats, you can hear their voice in the middle of a heavy metal concert in Central Park, you learn that you have the capability of hurting someone badly if they pose any danger to your offspring. The lioness in us comes alive in every sense.

7. MOTHERS NEED A BREAK TOO

I have recently started being more active in my own life. It only took me 8 months. I used to feel guilty for admitting that I was exhausted. For 28 hours a day, I breathed, ate and slept with only one thing in my mind: my daughter. I remember the tears rolling down my face the first time I admitted to myself in my journal that I needed a break from my baby. I needed to resume living life as Camile as well, not only Anastasia's mom. The day after, I received an email inviting me to collaborate on a book. Since then, I take small breaks every day and not necessarily when she's sleeping. I do my thing, I do our thing and we both get to miss each other a bit. Getting to this point was very difficult, however.

6. MOTHERS DON'T HAVE ALL THE RIGHT ANSWERS

I'm surrounded by other mothers all day long. I read books on motherhood, I read articles, studies, you name it, I do it. The one thing I learned with undeniable proof is that every child is different. Every parent is different. I am trying to stop comparing my baby to all other babies her age. I watch her growth and development and try to find out what's better fir her future according to her and not in comparison to other children.

5. MOTHERS ARE DUMBER THAN THEIR CHILDREN

Here I'm not trying to say moms are idiots, the message is that kids are way smarter than we give them credit for. They know what we have long forgotten. They are true to themselves. Their needs come first in EVERY SENSE. From physiological to self-actualization in Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs, babies ask for it all. Our ignorance of their profound wisdom is what makes us less wise, if you will, than they are.

4. THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH THE WORLD AS SOON AS YOU HEAR THAT ONE SPECIAL LAUGHTER

My child's laughter is the sweetest, most perfectly harmonized, beautiful sound I have EVER heard. When she laughs I want to freeze time and rejoice in that sound for ever. No matter what's going on in my life, that laughter is the antidote to it all. The sound of her laughter is my personal Om.

3. MOTHERHOOD ENCOURAGES YOU TO BE THE PERSON YOU'VE ALWAYS DREAMT OF BEING

Children learn from watching what you do. They follow example. "Do as I say, not as I do," Ha! Dream on. Ever since Anastasia arrived I have pushed myself to reach every goal I ever had for myself. Whether I achieve them or not is not the point. My wish is that she learns she's capable of doing whatever she wishes to do. There are no limits, except the ones we create for ourselves. She is my inspiration to reach for the stars and keep on going.

2. HUMANITY HAS HOPE

It may sound narcissistic, egotistical and conceited to think humanity has hope because of your own child. Truth is I don't know one mother who looks at her baby and thinks otherwise (of course there are always exceptions). There is no way I can feel indifferent about the world since I met her. I look at her and I see infinite possibilities, and with that said, I, in turn, want to contribute to the world as well. She brings out the best in me.

1. UNCONDITIONAL LOVE EXISTS

Once I experienced (& continually experience) unconditional, parental love, I have learned I can love. Love is all you need, and most importantly, I realized I hadn't been loving myself enough. In the beginning of our mother/daughter relationship, I still indulged in self-neglect and gave all of me to her. Motherhood taught me that I'm a very crucial part of the mother/daughter pair and I MUST love me too. I started with giving myself 10% of what I'd give my daughter... Now, I don't count anymore. I honor and respect myself as much as I honor and respect Anastasia. I need to be well so that I can do my best for her. It oscillates everyday, some days she gets more of me, other days I do.



A couple of days ago, I decided to dig deeper than I had been digging into my inner self and face with total honesty all the pros & cons that came with being a mother. It's the hardest, yet the most rewarding role in life. So many lessons come in the package. A couple of days ago, I felt anxious and afraid that my best wasn't enough. During this period of inner work (a lot of collapsing - Demartini talk) a shift occurred, most importantly I have come to understand that many shifts will occur. As long as my best is filled with love and gratitude for this beautiful soul disguised as a little girl and for myself, it will always be enough.