As much as I wanted to skip writing about the past couple of days, I decided that my commitment to this lifestyle change works both ways. I cannot only boast about the good days. I need to be honest about the crappy days too.
I ate crappy for two days. I'm talking about greasy, sugary, salty crappy. Not proud of it... But.. it happened. As I'm writing about it now, I can totally understand why I made such bad choices. Wow! I completely disconnected from myself for the past 48 hours for some personal reasons and subconsciously ran to the wrong type of food. My comfort food. Very interesting that I'm making this connection now.
I'm thinking that I might need to commit myself in a much deeper level than I thought I needed. I need to have a present state of mind EVERY SECOND. I'm easily distracted, and I know the all the mommies out there can agree with me. It's hard to keep track of you when you have your heart walking around outside your body. Looking at it from a different angle, I'm glad I relapsed. It was a way to bring me back to focus and my own center.
My days have been completely consumed with raising Anastasia and still aiming to feel complete from my last pneumonia episode. I'm not feeling the exercising urge yet, and I believe that I'm punishing myself quietly for it.. by eating junk. Water has been my best friend! At least that. Sylwia sent me a book that she says inspired her to begin exercising.. I'll start reading it very soon.
I'm relieved that I don't feel like erasing these past 2 days from history anymore. Just by opening up about it a little helped me go a tad deeper into myself and see what the real reason behind me giving into the food that doesn't do me any good.
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