Who Are You?... Without Your Story

I'll start this without much introduction about the title and jump right on to the meaty stuff that I've been thinking about for quite a bit.

Who am I? Who am I without my story?

It was so hard.. let me rephrase this, it is so hard to answer this question. One, because I don't think there is a finite answer to it. It constantly changes. Two, because I haven't even begun scratching the surface of the deep truth that lies deep within me and which I can articulate with ease to anyone. I'm still on the quest.

I'm going through so many changes (internal mostly) in my life that there are very few seconds not spent in self-examination, sometimes driving my family a bit bonkers and my friends too. I'm curious, though. Who am I really?

As humans our relationships are built upon our resonance to each other, most of the time because of the stories we have to tell about our lives. We see each other in each other's struggles and victories. We are reminded that we are not alone by knowing others who are on similar paths as we.  What would happen if we all got amnesia? What would happen if a handful of us lost everything we define ourselves by – family, jobs, material possessions, friends, looks.. Who would we be?

About a month or so ago, I mentioned to a great friend that I had begun to shed my story.  She thought I related having a story to being a victim.  At the moment, I couldn't really articulate what I thought about my "shedding of my story", but I knew that it had nothing to do with feeling like a victim.  Now I know exactly what it is that I wanted to shed... a label. The one which I perceive to be imposed on me. "The girl in the wheelchair who is so inspirational, strong, defiant, etc." or "The girl in the wheelchair, wow, so young, what a tragedy, such a wasted life." There are more versions and they all vary according to the person's own projections and fears when they see me or talk to me along with my own perceptions of them. I would love, however, to meet with 100 random strangers through a wall and have them range in age, race, gender, education, beliefs, values, backgrounds and all that good stuff. After speaking to me for 60 minutes about anything they wanted, I'd like them to describe me as they envisioned me in their head only based on our conversation.. I wonder how they'd describe me and I wonder how I'd describe them.

What I'm trying to say is that the fateful accident that changed my life was only an event. I was changed physically, physiologically, psychologically, emotionally, spiritually as it also affected me socially and financially. Was it a tragedy? NO.  Was it a blessing? Well, I like to answer that by saying that I wouldn't change one single thing about it because I wouldn't be where I am in life if it were not for the event taking place.

I'm still thinking about this question. I write tirelessly in my journal about it. Sometimes a bunch of scribble-scrabble. Others some really insightful words. What I have begun to discover is that there is a place inside of me where all things are possible. It goes beyond the physical, emotional, charged matter we carry in our daily lives. It's a place so pure, so sacred and I have only been able to reach it twice. These mere glimpses have quieted my anxiety to find the answer. It has actually taught me that in the journey there is more to come. I'm still discovering all that I can be without a story. Without the charged drama. Without the limiting box around me. I am...

Inside of me there is a space where all evolution has taken place. A place where I can relate to the stars. I can understand the love affair between the Earth and the Sun. A place where no words are necessary to explain who I am. It is all there. There is no story defining it. No label claiming it. It's as silent as the vacuum in outer space.

There is no story really.  Just a set of events interconnected to set me free from my own preconceived notions and biases. So much more self-examinations ahead, I know. But, the further I delve into the unknown to find those answers, I realize that that which I am is much simpler than any persona I have tried to be and incorporate in my entire life. So much simpler.

Explore Gratitude

Due to the recent health issues that arose, posted in the previous blog Living My Element With Sylwia - Day 9-14, I will not be able to participate in that extraordinary event.

April & Carla have created an amazing day full of incredible activities to take you to the next level.  Please don't miss out.  Or, you will be missing out.

For more info please go to www.themovementwithin.com.

xxx
Go explore.  Show up.  Be grateful.

Back To Basics

As I posted on my last blog, The Breakthrough Experience was incredible for me.  It taught me tools that bring me back to the center of my being, help me focus on my highest priorities and ignite the fire to go get them.  I have sat for some hours to prioritize my goals and true values and found out that my overall health is one of my top priorities.  During the Breakthrough seminar, I met a wonderful person, Sylwia Rosinska. 
Sylwia and I bonded.  We bonded deeply.  I can say I have a friend for life in her, and she has one in me.  We were catalysts for each other. Something happens to you once you go through the whole experience.  The experience, itself, involves a lot of hard, emotionally rooted work, but it is very rewarding in the end.  The great thing about the experience is that it aligns you with what you are truly meant to do and synchronicities begin to happen to you.  Before the experience one might think of these synchronicities as coincidences or miracles.  However, once you are a breakthrough-er.. You know they are meant to be.  Nevertheless, some of them still leave you in humbling awe.
As Sylwia and I continued our friendship after the experience, I found out she is the answer to a prayer of mine.. Holistic nutritionist.  As I browsed her facebook page, I began to read some of her blogs and stumbled upon her webpage.  I was ecstatic.  It is everything I have been looking for and more.  Last night, our session was supposed to be 1 hour, needless to say I did not make it to my gym appointment this morning.. lol.  It was so worth it, though.  I learned sooooo much already just for the small time we spoke via Skype.  So, I am starting this lifestyle change with her.  It is fun and challenging to me, at the same time it is a win-win situation.  She says I am a challenge to her, because of my situation (paralysis) and she is extremely eager to work with me.  The duration of our business relationship is 6 months.  She suggested that I write a journal of what I eat and how my body feels afer certain foods, etc.. I deciced to make that journal public on my blog.  So, beginning tomorrow, I will post my every-day progress as I change my eating habits to ones that suit me better and help me achieve my goals of better health, more energy, a little weight loss (that never hurts) and knowledge of how to continue for the rest of my life. 
When I became paralyzed, I was confronted with a huge disavantage.  I had no knowledge of how to eat healthly.  I knew all about fad diets, and tried them all.  Prior to becoming paralyzed I was addicted to diet pills and running, so I would binge whenever hunger hit.  This for me is a step towards freedom and acceptance of my past.  I look forward to sharing each day, even if I have to disclose things I am not very proud of.  As I have a feeling that disclosing them and making those pesky, ugly secrets known will liberate me to be even more authentic to myself and those around me.
Let us go back to basics...

HAY HOUSE WRITER'S WORKSHOP

Last week was incredible.  Pretty much, that's all it sums up to.  I had one of the most profound experiences of my life.  Besides going on my first cruise, which was pretty awesome, I attended a writing workshop, in attempts to win a publishing contract with Hay House Publishing Company. 

The experience was beyond my expectations.  I met people who not only touched my life in ways that I never knew were possible, but also discovered tons about myself. 

You see, all this time, I have been going crazy not knowing what to write in my book.  Well, let me back it up a bit... Since I got hurt four years ago, I knew I wanted to write a book about my story, but I just didn't think that the story itself was enough.  Millions of people go through tragedies everyday, so I needed to figure out why my story was important and what kind of difference it would make in people's lives. 

I feel so blessed and so full of gratitiude for the experience.  Although, I spent 3 out of 7 days crying my eyes out in bed, letting out anguish and frustration that built up from so many years of demanding so much of myself, I left the ship feeling someone completely new - actually renewed.  I'm even more humbled by my experience and grateful that once again, I've taken on the opportunity to grow a bit more and hopefully continue to have the courage to do what I ought to do.