Moved....

Find me on www.camilearaujo.tumblr.com.

It would have been rude to leave you without a forwarding address.

Ms. Wheelchair Florida Pageant 2013

Hello everyone,

I'm applying to participate in the Ms. Florida Wheelchair Pageant 2013.  The event is taking place in April in St. Petersburg, FL.  I'm very excited to participate in this event because it is unlike any other beauty pageant out there - it is NOT a beauty pageant.

The event is held to display the individual's character and accomplishments since their injury.  It is a beauty pageant but from the inside out.

Anyway, again I'm looking for sponsors.  I need to raise $200 for the entry fee and some money for the gown I'll be wearing.  Any sponsors will be featured throughout the entire weekend and every cent contributed is tax deductible!!

If you or anyone you know would like to sponsor me, just let me know at camile@camilearaujo.com.

Again, I'm looking forward to this amazing event and exposing myself and my platform out there to many others, hopefully not only in the state but in the country as I go for Ms. Wheelchair USA ;)

Cheers!!!

The brains behind the cuteness (what 2 year olds really think)

Nothing else matters than the present moment.

I am here, pay attention to me.

I am hungry, I eat.

I am sleepy, I sleep.

It's normal to change my mind in a split second.

If you don't understand me, you have the problem.

That phone of yours I throw on the floor all the time is my biggest competitor.

I love you but I don't like you all the time.

Learn to speak my language and we'll get along greatly.

If you don't want me to eat it, don't eat it yourself.

If you don't want me to eat it, don't buy it.

What? What do you mean I'm not the center of the Universe?

Oh, and if you don't want me to eat it, don't bribe me with it. I'll remember.

No, it's not fun starting school. All the other kids are spoiled brats and crybabies.

Ok, fine... School is all right.

No, mom, don't hug me in front of my friends, that's so not cool.

If I say I pooped, CHANGE ME NOW!

There's a reason I have unique versions of my favorite songs. Let me believe I'm singing them correctly.

Don't mistake my cuteness for dumbness... I'm watching you.

Mommy, I love you the best... Can I have some chocolate?

In Gratitude For 2012

This is the last blog for 2012. As I prepare myself to welcome the new calendar year, I already feel a sense of great accomplishment. 2012 was not easy, but along with the obstacles there were so many goodies, so many a-has, and so much integration of the good and bad inside of me.

I'm entering the new year feeling more grown up, more empowered, certain that I'm on my way to something extraordinary and extremely grateful that the road to this extraordinary place has been filled with unbelievable growth, friendship, teachings, relationships, freedom, opportunities and a fun knack for risk taking.

Life defied me once again this year in an unexpected way (this time nothing involving any hospital visits). And, as I worked through the event, I understood what a true blessing it was, and even now as I write about it, I am overwhelmed with gratitude flowing out of my heart & eyes in the form of tears. One of the best lessons I got out of it was that if I didn't defy myself, if I didn't push myself to my perceived limit, it WILL be done for me in a way I may not necessarily like at first. So I'm proud to say that 2012 has been a year where I have learned that going beyond imposed boundaries is not only okay but vital for constant growth.

This year, I solidified an amazing partnership with the best business partner anyone can ask for. Our projects are so congruent with our life's purpose that working feels like I'm taking a stroll in the carnival of life. The most fun I have ever had while serving others and truly honoring what I'm here to do. Without her support & kicks in my butt to get me in gear, I would not be writing this blog as is.

My family is my rock. And I include those who are my spiritual family too. To paraphrase the great Emerson, if we're related, we'll be sure to meet. I feel so loved and supported by those around me (locally & non locally). Through constant support & challenges, from every single one of them, I leave 2012 behind a woman. A woman who knows herself, her potential, her inspirations and her tenacity. I leave 2012 a lot closer to being the woman I have always dreamed of being.

A sincere thank you to all those who have in one way or another participated in this amazing journey with me. 2012 has been unforgettable. I wouldn't change one second of it.

To the two most important women in my life, my mom & daughter... You both keep me so balanced, focused and present. You are my buffer zone. Your hearts speak to me with no need for words. I live you so much & playing the daughter & mother in this wonderful dynamic has been thus far the most exciting experience of my life.

Finally, to myself, I would like to leave a little written note in case I lose focus, or get off track in 2013.. Thank you for taking a chance on yourself, for trusting that little voice inside who whispers lovingly to you. Thank you for acknowledging the blinding light inside of you and sprinting with it. Thank you for loving yourself, your family and honoring your sacred values this year. Thank you for not reacting during the tough times and finding that place of love when making difficult decisions. Thank you for taking inventory of your life and what's important to you. Thank you for taking your health seriously, and understanding that you are in charge of your well being. Thank you for seeing the divine entanglement among the living beings and seeing your own soul inside everyone's eyes. Thank you for your relentless curiosity and eagerness to learn. Thank you for believing in the beauty of your dreams and taking action steps to inspire the world. Thank you for investing in your financial future and deciding to emancipate yourself from the feeling of impotence. Thank you for seeing and feeling the love with your family... And thank you for reaching out and sharing your message with other social circles..

Thank you, 2012!

Love, inspiration, wisdom and lots of prosperity in 2013!

Sometimes words are not enough..

Collectively, I believe it's safe to say that a lot of parents feel a pang in their hearts when dropping their kids to school. Now, a hunting question hovers over their head... Will I see my child this afternoon?

I'm not writing to judge, analyze or demoralize any group or lawmakers. I'm writing because I too have this hovering question hunting every minute of my day. I anxiously look at the clock every hour-long minute and begin counting down to the moment I have my daughter back in my arms. I have (I admit) tried to dissect this incident at Sandy Hook Elementary using all the methodologies I have learned and applied before on myself or clients. It brings me temporary relief and understanding, and then I'm back at square one.

As I look at the pictures of the group of people who perhaps left us a bit too soon, I am unable to hold back my tears and the unanswerable questions that surround the event itself flood my head.

I have imagined myself face to face with the parents of the children who are now actually enduring the unimaginable, and the words flee me. I would not know what to say.

On Friday evening as we shopped for groceries, the usual annoyed looks or indifferent attitudes towards children were gone. They were replaced with a sense of respect, appreciation and profound compassion. The way every single adult spoke to my daughter made it clear to me that although we were not in Newton, Connecticut, the non local support spread throughout.

Since that day, I HAVE hugged my child tighter. I HAVE told her I love her more times than I can count. I HAVE been more patient during her tantrums. I DO feel grateful to have her with me.

As we each deduce whatever explanation to help us cope, I do wish sincerely that every time we hear Sandy Hook Elementary and their heroes, we realize that we are fragile beings and we are here to make the most out of now.

Let's pay attention to our children, live through example and truly grasp how privileged we are to be touched by the love of a child.

In honor of the brave souls from Sandy Hook Elementary.



(the link to the school will take you to the site where checks can be sent for support of those affected.)

Oração de Mãe (A Mother's Prayer)

Circa Janeiro 2006

Meu Deus

Perdoe-me, perdoe-me, perdoe-me.

Sou um simples ser humano, que por mais que trate de levar uma vida correta, digna e justa, nao deixo de ser um pecador por as vezes em virtude das dificuldades da vida e pela luta, pela sobrevivência esquece de envocá-lo, saudá-lo e elevar preces ao senhor o quanto seria necessário, mas mesmo assim, em momento nenhum de minha existência, me revoltei ou revoltarei contra o senhor ou contra as divindades do espirito santo, pois o amor, o respeito e o temor maior de minha vida é e sempre será o senhor.  O pai verdadeiro, aquele que sofreu com tudo que fizemos contra seu filho, e mesmo assim nos perdoou, e a cada segundo de nossas vidas nos da uma oportunidade nova de nos redimir e repensar nossa existência e reconhecer o verdadeiro motivo pelo qual estamos aqui.

Por favor meu Deus, esqueça nesse momento todas as minhas faltas e atenda o pedido de mãe em sofrimento e agoniada.

Por favor, derrame sobre minha filha o nectar da vida. 

Devolva-lhe a sobrevivência, saúde completa, desde sua mente, seus orgãos, suas coordenaçōes seus sentimentos e principalmente corrija os erros de sua matéria, dando-lhe mais espiritualidade, humildade e força para daqui para frente possa ser um ser humano mais tranquilo porem com muito mais forca espiritual.  

DEUS, em seu nome lhe peco permissão para evocar todos os caminhos pelos qual nos leva a seu nome. 

SENHOR, de permissão para que um guardião seu de cada legião, como um soldado seu de cada tropa, não importa o nome, o tipo, a maneira como possa nos ajudar, desde que venha em seu nome, seja convocado e permitido nos dar ajuda nesta hora tão difícil de nossas vidas, quando ate as palavras me fogem, a concentração para rezar e dispersada por pensamentos adversos, quando o verdadeiro e o obvio se transformam em obscuro, pelo cansaço do corpo.

Meu Deus, meu espirito foi me ofertado pelo senhor, e tu sabes o quanto adoro tudo que vem de ti, quantas vezes paro ou agradeço a tranquilidade das águas, a energia do sol a luminosidade das estrelas, a transformação da lua, a suavidade dos pássaros a nobreza das arvores e tudo mais que o senhor criou.  

Enfim quantas e quantas vezes lhe agradeço pela maravilha de sua obra, pela perfeição da natureza.

Em nome do senhor todo poderoso mais uma vez lhe peco não importe o nome que dão as igrejas, aos templos, aos centros, de permissão a cada um que lhe for invocado para que venha dar seu grão de ajuda nesta hora tão atribulada, me conceda este pedido e esta graça por tudo que e mais sagrado.

Eu só respeito e amo a ti, mais do que tudo. 

Somente o senhor tem o poder superior para reverter a atual situação, por isso com toda minha humildade te peco que envie para perto da minha filha, seus mensageiros e nos ajude a sair dessa vitoriosos, pois estamos conformados e sabemos de nossos merecimentos.  

Nos ajude a cada minuto ter mais fe e confiança em sua obra e nos ajude a prosseguir.  

Obrigada, meu Deus.

De:  Sonia Maria Flosi Araujo

Para Ajuda:  Camile Flosi Araujo

Escrito pela minha mãe logo após meu acidente enquanto ainda me encontrava em coma.  Amor de mãe é milagroso.  

To all my English readers, this was a letter my mom wrote to God right after my life threatening accident while I was still in a coma. To not lose the essence of her writing I left the text in Portuguese, so please use your browser's translator to read this beautiful message.

Less than 25 days ...

So here I am again reaching out to you through my beloved blog.. The wonderful place where I come to leave my innermost desires, feelings, thoughts, and although it sometimes feels that I am writing to myself, I sense an enormous amount of non-local support through this world wide web.

Like I said, here I am again.. I have less than 25 days to go for my campaign to close.  You know the one where I am asking for an outrageous amount of money to accomplish an incredibly awesome dream, which is to attend an amazing training that will lead me to extraordinary experiences all over the world with all different types of people.

Sounds extravagantly embellishing?  It's not.  It's the reality of this project.

Anyway.. the link to donate is INDIEGOGO CAMPAIGN.

Any amount helps... so...

FROM NOW 'TILL DECEMBER 31ST FOR ANY CONTRIBUTION OF $5.00 OR MORE, NOT ONLY WILL YOU GET THE CORRESPONDING PERK BUT A 45 MINUTE SESSION TO GUIDE YOU ON GETTING YOUR PRIORITIES STRAIGHT FOR 2013.  

Only $5.00... for a 45 minute session.  Even if you don't want to use it.. Wouldn't that be a great Christmas gift to give someone you love?

Thank you, readers!! I love you all.  If it weren't for you, this little tiny space on the web where I come to be me and leave a piece of me would be meaningless...

Ta ta..

Here is the video for the campaign:

Super-Woman Syndrome Dilemma

Sometimes, what I need and don't allow myself the opportunity to experience very often is the ability to feel vulnerable.  The wisdom to know that in vulnerability lies the transparency that most appreciate.  The knowledge of recognizing vulnerability as an inevitable trait that can be both painful and pleasurable.

It is only when I am in a certain setting that all walls are off, guards are down and I just.. am.  I've been thinking about this today.  Especially after a very life changing conversation.

To carry through the feeling that vulnerability means accessibility to others; it means humility amidst certainty; it equals strength of exposing the parts of you you still have not owned and loved.

Ironic is the understanding that freeing myself from the strains of my own guards expands my mind, fulfills my soul and nourishes my body.  Why is it then that I still stop one step short form full vulnerable exposure?  Is that an art that we learn?  Is that a trait that we master?  Or will it be for ever a game of risk taking and hoping for high odds?

Have I not yet crossed through gates that shed you of pride, fear and self-righteousness?

There was a lesson today.  Be transparent.  Be authentic.  Be ready for the love.  Love the hatred.  Be you.  Always.

One more layer peeled away.

It's a craft worth mastering.  Being vulnerable.

Down the path of vulnerability, I stroll, one yellow brick at a time.

A Little Help Goes A Long Way...

This is the thing... I'm on a mission to attend an incredible intensive training on public speaking given by the world's leading expert, Andy Harrington.. The training is in London and in order for me to afford travel, accommodation, food, transportation and the training itself I need $9,000.00.

I know it sounds like a lot, but if 1000 people donated $9.00.. I'd get to my goal.

I would love your help and assistance to get me across the pond (from Florida to the UK) and attend this training.  Donate, spread the word, donate some more and spread the word some more.. It's that simple. :)

"...Expect a shift..."

We all know about life's ups and downs, and as I still learn every day and every time I'm face to face with a situation, person or event that challenges me at my core, it all happens for a reason.  It's all feedback.

In the recent past, I was presented with a very powerful event.  Immediately, I allowed my fight/flight/freeze syndrome to take over and acted on impulse.  It challenged every single major value of my life, this event – even more than my automobile accident in 2006.  In the following weeks, I began to work on myself and take personal inventory to gain a broader and perspective of why I had attracted such event.

Since then, as quickly as I find an answer to one or two questions I set out myself to pursue, I'm bombarded with an ever greater amount of questions, and with the assistance of incredibly wise people which I'm very privileged to be acquainted with, I've been able to put myself through a "mini boot-camp" and dissolve major fears and guilts in regards to my present, past and future.

In the middle of this pushing and pulling, a-has and huh(s)?, subtle shifts have occurred.  From gaining confidence in my ability to respond to my 2 year old's typical 2 year old behavior to my relationship with money, health, personal friends and family, increase of mental abilities, spirituality and vocational opportunities... I'm once again inspired to live my life in function of what drives me and fuels me to get up each morning.

The 1st kick in the butt (the challenging event) to my resolution to debunk preconceived notions and attain a higher level of awareness within my own life was in fact a much needed kick in the butt.  The 2nd was to hear from my dear friend and soul-sister who lives across the pond in London to take responsibility and accountability of everything that has been going on with me – get out of the victim mentality.  So, I have been in this boot camp of mind/body/soul for 2 weeks already.  The shift is not so subtle anymore.  It's palpable.

As evidence that it is palpable, a colleague who lives in Australia reached out to me last week.  He sent me a message that left me speechless and covered with goose bumps.  He told me about a session he had with a client in which he experienced love in its whole.  He was completely moved by the experience and at that moment he thought of me and heard the words, "...Expect a shift."

As I acquaint myself more about quantum mechanics, universal laws and the application of both, the more I understand the theory of quantum entanglement.  One may simply assume that the message I received by my colleague was a simple coincidence, except that the client he worked with broke through lop sided perceptions of fears and guilts similar to the ones I am breaking through myself (and my colleague had no idea I had been going through the self-imposed mind/body/soul boot camp).

What started as a boot camp to "improve" one area of my life, has expanded into the other areas and has allowed me to be more present, connected, certain and ever more grateful for my life's purpose.

Although I am taking a break from the social media world, and focusing on my highest values, I felt inspired to share this story because:

1. It is never too late to take a self inventory and really find out what's blocking you to get what you want in life
2. Nothing is for free.. without work (on yourself) there will be no shift
3. You attract that which you think about the most (fear, guilt, desires, dreams)
4. Planning your life is an incredible opportunity to discover and create infinite realities which concretize according to your relationship with yourself

Lastly, I shared because although I intend to inspire some of the readers, I wanted to put it in writing for my own benefit of re-reading it and reminding myself why the necessity of my hard work.

Lots of love and wisdom to all of you..

As Henley puts it, you are "...the master of [your] fate, captain of [your] soul."

Speak Out or Shut The F.. Up!

• Doesn't it feel liberating to express yourself without the constraints of externally and internally super-imposed values?  
• Don't you breathe better once you go through the motion of your feelings and allow your actions follow through aligned with the exact message you want to convey?
• Isn't it empowering to see that you can inspire someone else simply by expressing and communicating your own truth?

From personal experience and an incredible amount of reading, learning and observation, I have found that there is a huge value for me to communicate and express myself freely in the world.  I can even say that I was born to master that art and in turn inspire others to do the same.  I began tapping into that truth the moment I could not speak due to a complication in my trachea.  During those silent four months, an unrelenting desire to expose my epiphanies, lessons, journey and fears arose inside of me and I understood then the power of reaching the masses through authentic communication.

Throughout my journey, I have not always been 100% authentic.  Prior to finding myself fighting for my life, I was sucked into the world of "deny the negative" and overdose on the positive.  What it did was stray me away from my life's purpose.  I succumbed into the hype of thinking that expressing myself negatively in any way made me less than ______, labeled me as a nag, unhappy, unaccomplished and unlovable.  No matter what, I wore a smile.  I turned my negativity into passive-aggressiveness and disconnected with "me."

In 2010, I discovered the world of personal development (previously called self-help) and saw that a lot of the hype in the P.D world was still mainly about "the search for happiness, perfection and positivity."  Then, in 2011, I was introduced to Universal Laws.  During that introduction, I felt as if for the first time in my life, someone was speaking my language.  It was practical, scientifically proven, and applicable in everyday life.  Most importantly, this life-altering seminar did not suggest that I discard my negative side, but also learned to love it as much as I love the positive side.  Instead of labeling the negative as "bad and destructive", there was a new paradigm created.  As I learned to integrate this new way of thinking in my everyday life, I discovered that honoring the negative in me helped me feel more whole and in tune with myself.  I felt equilibrated and empowered.

No longer was I afraid of speaking my truth, expressing it in writing or simple everyday actions.  I no longer needed permission to be ME – fully!

So, I ask you this...

• Are you afraid to speak out?
• Do you fear that you will not be loved because of the way you think?
• Are you scared to be ridiculed?
• Would you love to communicate freely without feeling any of the above?

Tattoo Virgin No Longer

My beautiful, long thought out, well crafted tattoo is done! Well, it's missing one flower, which I'll get in two weeks, but the original idea is finished... I am so happy with it!

6 1/2 years ago I never thought that I'd celebrate my accident, the trials, challenges, and all the changes that took place by permanently inking my body as a reminder of how grateful I am for what I have been through, for the people that have been catalysts in the metamorphosis of my soul and my ability to get through it and see the impeccable, ravishing perfection behind it all.

Not many can truly understand what I mean, but I gave up a while back trying to convince people.  I decided to let my deeds speak for themselves.  Some still don't understand, and I get it.  I understand that that is more a projection of them than of me.  There is a handful of very special people, however who are also represented in my arm masterpiece (a bit of modesty) whose support equilibrated all the times I felt lonely and abandoned by the ones I "expected" would understand the most.

Without further ado.. Here is the final piece!

Infinite gratitude to Vincent Moisdon from Colorfast Studios!! (The true artist behind my piece)

The meaning behind it:  Each flower represents one or more people who played a pivotal role in my life thus far (helping shape me by support or challenge), the gladiolus (the middle pink/yellow flower) represents my daughter and I'm the humming bird (the only bird with legs that does not walk) kissing her flower (in the middle of the entire bouquet, since every flower's nectar has kept it flying with grace and poise). 

September - Spinal Cord Injury Awareness Month

Did you know that September is Spinal Cord Injury Awareness (SCI) Month?

Last month I had the pleasure of writing a guest blog for a non-profit organization, BACKBONES.  The blog was called Stare, But Don't Compare. 

In 2009, Reveca Torres founded BACKBONES. Reveca is a C5 quadriplegic who was injured in a car accident while on vacation at the age of 13. BACKBONES exists to provide one-on-one support for individuals with a spinal cord injury (SCI) and their families. They’re making connections to others with a similar injury and interests via telephone, in-person, or web to encourage sharing of experiences and ideas. 

BACKBONES also hosts fun, dynamic events that get people with and without SCI together for support, education, awareness and a good time! For example they have held fashion shows, wine tastings, 5Ks and more. In honor of Awareness Month BACKBONES has designed a Scavenger Hunt in two cities (Portland, OR and Chicago, IL). Each participating team gets a wheelchair and needs to navigate the city on wheels!

BACKBONES is proud to have so many individuals with SCIs making an impact and helping others living with SCIs. These volunteers and board members know how important the power of connecting with others and highlighting ABILITY, truly is. 

 In honor of SCI Awareness Month, BACKBONES has set an ambitious fundraising goal of $10,000 by September 30. Can you help by contributing $15 today? If so, click here. 

If you can’t contribute you should consider volunteering, or joining them at an upcoming event.

I know first hand how important peer-to-peer connections are for people living with an SCI and I am glad that BACKBONES is out there carrying out their mission.

Join me in making a contribution this month to bring SCI Awareness everywhere we can!!! 

2 Around The Corner

“Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity.” - Albert Einstein

That's exactly how I feel about the past year.  It literally seems like it was yesterday I was planning my princess' first birthday.  I couldn't yet wrap my head around that my life had been changed so much by the arrival of my little angel.  She's turning 2...  

As her personality develops and she becomes more expressive each day, I'm in utter awe of her as a whole.  I am incredibly grateful to be her mother, and have the honor to participate in her upbringing.  She teaches me so much every single day.  

The impact of her on my life is beyond what I ever imagined it could be.  A whole new realm of understanding, love, inspiration and gratitude opened up and it has brought with it a feeling of absolute wonderment at how everything is possible. 

This is a short post.  A quick note to share and leave as a reminder how much I love and appreciate my love bug! Perhaps years from now, I will read it and understand that time has already started flying by for me, my pretty girl is the reason it is happening. 

Happy 2nd Birthday, Princess!! 

Is Tattoo Taboo?

This past Sunday, I met with two friends for lunch.  As I parked my van and began to transfer to my wheelchair from the driver's seat, my friends Nancy and Uriel waited outside the front passenger door staring at my arm through the tinted window.  As the back passenger door opened for my ramp to deploy, I casually asked them, "Is it noticeable?"

Of course it was a joke.  I could see Nancy's bewildered look as her eyes hardly moved away from my brand new tattoo.

A little history first...

About six years ago, while I lay in a hospital bed that had been set up for me in my brother's condo, I turned to television to desperately escape my own reality at the time, and used it as my only form of distraction.  I watched TV 12-15 hours a day.  I had been discharged from the hospital for about a three months, and aside from dealing with the news that I was permanently paralyzed, I was dreadfully trying to come to terms with the complications that developed in my trachea, which left me voiceless and breathing from a tracheotomy tube for four months.  It was a very trying time to say the least.  Having run out of options on what else to watch, I surrendered to the marathon re-runs of the tattoo shop on Miami Beach, Miami Ink (which is actually called Love Hate Tattoo Studios).  From first watching the episodes absent-mindedly, I began to see a pattern in the people who were chosen to be filmed.  The majority of them brought meaning to the tattoo they had chosen for themselves.  It was not just a permanent way to decorate the skin.   I also became very acquainted with the staff and their business and personal dramas.  After the second day of watching the re-runs, I remember thinking... One day when I can laugh at all this, I'm getting a tattoo as well.  Even though I clearly remember thinking the phrase "laugh at all this," I didn't mean it literally.  I meant it as "one day when I'm fond of having gone through this experience."  Ninety-nine percent sure that this "fondness" would never occur, I made that promise.  

In 2008, I remember asking one my dearest friends, Lily, to paint a picture for me.  After going through some of her fantastic art, I wanted a painting done by her.  I knew she had not painted in a while, and my asking would perhaps inspire her to do it again.  When I asked about the painting, she said she would paint me a hummingbird.  What?  I thought disappointedly.  A bird?  But, I gracefully asked her why a hummingbird, when I was so infatuated with her other paintings involving the female body.  She explained the reason to me and I was immediately intrigued with the idea.  (You can read Like A Humming Bird for further info on this topic).  After her explanation and my appreciation for the metaphor, I remembered wanting to get a tattoo.  

Here I am today.  With an amazing piece of art on my upper right arm.  I don't even know if it can be called a sleeve, although I have used the word sleeve to describe it.  I am not knowledgeable about tattoo terminology, but I know how to appreciate incredible art when I see it.  At first, I was trying to get a high school friend who I later found out works at Love Hate, but with his hectic schedule, it was impossible to coordinate a time with him.  On a previous lunch date with Nancy and Uriel, I told them about my desire to get a tattoo and being unable to connect with our mutual friend for its execution; I had arrived at a final concept for it which carried an enormous significance for me and was very eager to get it done.  Uriel told me about the artist who taught our mutual friend how to tattoo.  So, after making an appointment, I went to meet Vince Moisdon at his shop, Colorfast Studios, and talk about my idea.

Vince listened and told me that he was interested in doing it, except that he had a 6-8 week waiting period, which made me feel relieved because it gave me time to grow a pair of ... to endure the pain.  He said he would call me once the sketch was done.  I don't know how long it took from our initial meeting to finally get a call from him.  When he called I had even forgotten who he was.

"Your sketch is ready?  Want to come by and see it?" He said on the other end of the line as my mind spun out of control.

I can't really explain how I felt at the  moment, but the following things went through my mind very rapidly (not in this particular order):

• F'n A!  I am getting a TATTOO!!!
• WOW, it's been six years since I first thought about it and it's finally coming true!
• What if I don't like the sketch?  Will I have the guts to tell him?
• I understood that I wasn't laughing about all I had endured, and captured the feeling of gratitude for my life.
• Is it going to be painful?
• Should I use my leg or my arm?
• How will my daughter react?
• Will I like it?

Before I knew it, I was at his studio, speechless staring at his artistic depiction of my abstract idea.  I was surprised at its size, but even more dumbfounded at how the drawing surpassed my wildest expectations.  I decided I wanted to place it somewhere on my body that was always visible to me.  Fighting the urge to chicken out from the pain and have it done on my leg where I have no sensitivity, I assertively picked my right upper arm.

When I got home, I was extremely infatuated with the piece and kind of wanted to tell the world about it, but held back.  The few people I told gave me mixed opinions, which only encouraged me more to go through with it.  The pain factor was what intimidated me the most.  After seeing the sketch, I also googled Vince's name.  What I found did not surprise me one bit.  The sketch is worthy of being framed and displayed on its own, black and white (although the tattoo is in color).

What I found was an interview of Ami James (owner of Love Hate Tattoos - Miami Ink) where he named the top 5 tattoo artists in Miami.   The article, Miami's Best Tattoo Artists - Ami James, was written by Leila Brillson of REFINERY29, and Vince Moisdon's name was on the list along with Federico Ferroni, Chris Garver, Troy Lane, and Luiz Segatto.

My beautiful piece of ink is still in the process of being finished and when it does, I will post pictures.  They say that it only takes one tattoo to get addicted.  I didn't believe it until I was having mine traced and glimpses of the next one started coming alive in my head... The story for that one will warrant a follow-up blog.  I hope Vince is inspired to do that one as well when the time comes.

First 2 Sessions...

I went, I fell, I conquered...

I fell backwards in my wheelchair yesterday.  Although, I learned the tricks of falling and getting back up on all 4 wheels 4 years ago, I always feared falling backwards.  Not because of the embarrassment, merely because I am not too fond of breaking bones, getting bruises or head concussions.  

As we celebrated the 4th of July at a park, an event which I debated attending for a couple of days, I turned my head and saw that my daughter was playing behind me.. I backed my wheelchair while at the same time turning around to place myself where I could get a clear view of where she was at all times.  The whole in the grassy area behind me failed to tell me that I was going into it with my right rear wheel.  

As the wheel took the dip, I leaned forward and held on to my wheels to balance myself back as much as I could, which was probably 4-5 seconds, but felt like 10-15 minutes.  I remembered then, "Well it's grass, and no one will get to me fast enough to prevent my fall.  So I let go of the wheels, tucked my body forwards and flipped backwards.  

I almost yelled... "Oh My God! I can't feel my legs!"  However, before I could make light of the situation, I saw about 20 heads hovering over me trying to help me.  My claustrophobia kicked in right away and remembered that while I was turning around and backing up, maybe a mili-second before the fall, I saw my sister walking back to us from the playground and she was facing me.  As I felt the dozen hands pulling and tugging at me and my chair, I quickly glanced to my right and her slow paced walk turned into a Baywatch sprint towards me.  "NOBODY TOUCH ME! TATI IS COMING. SHE WILL HELP ME!" (The capital letters illustrate a bit the volume and irritability of my voice).  As she got to me, I scooted my butt back into the seat and instructed her and my brother on how to lift me back up.  I didn't even try to get back up on my own due to the uneven surface of the grass area where we were set up.  

So I fell backwards for the first time on the Fourth of July.. I have been set free from my fear of falling backwards.  Happy Independence Day to me too.  Sorry, USA, for stealing your thunder yesterday.  No broken bones, bruises or concussions, however I do have a sprained wrist and sore neck.  My daughter replayed the fall after we got home.  And, I realized that when I fell I completely forgot about her.  So much for worrying in the first place and not trusting the other moms who were also there helping me.  Lesson learned for me.  

In hindsight, I wish we had the whole thing on film.  At the same time, I'm sure it's an event that some of the people present won't forget so soon... Nor let me live it down. 

For a special mama..

In 2009 I purchased a book by Christine Northrup, M.D. titled Mother-Daughter Wisdom.  When it first arrived, I read the first two chapters, and due to some unexpected events shortly after, I have not opened the book again.

When the purchase was made I had no idea that in a year's time, I would be taking the role of a mother myself.  I bought the book to understand the relationship dynamic I had with my own mother.  I stare at it everyday while I work on the computer, sitting on the white shelf above my desk.  I have not given it much thought since the last time I read it.  Today, however, while submerged in other writing projects and ideas, I had a one-hour long chat with my mom.  As I returned to my projects, I decided to spring clean my book shelves, instead.  I met eyes with Dr. Northrup's picture on the book's spine.  For a moment, I remembered the intention behind the purchase.  The memory came up loudly.  I was looking for a how-to manual to "fix" the relationship with my mother.  My perception of "fixing" the relationship was to make her understand me and love me for who I am.

It has been three years.  Now, I am a mother.  Still have not read the book, not even for the sake of my daughter.  Today, my perception of the relationship between my mom and I is a bit different.  There needs no "fixing."  Who she is, what she values and how she manifests everything that pushes my button has not only pushed me to do better for myself, but also allowed me to understand that there is no better.  Whoever I am, wherever I am, I am perfect just the way I am.  She is perfect just the way she is.  The biggest gift is that I can just be ME with my own daughter.  There is no guilt, shame, fear or pretending.

As the very thick, orange, unread book lays on top of the pile for donation, I realize that I refuse to give in to the saying "Nobody is perfect."  We ARE all perfect in our different forms, serving someone else who is not owning some parts of themselves. I wouldn't change one thing about my mom.  I wouldn't change one thing about my daughter, and I would not change one thing about me.  For the past two weeks, some changes have occurred in my life and although my mom is not close to me at this time, her non-local support is palpable.  Through our back and forth emails of updates she is able to pick up on my emotional state and calm me down, or sometimes piss me off.  Until she pointed out yesterday that I was too overwhelmed, and there was no need to feel so much pressure, I had not realized that, indeed, I did feel overwhelmed and had been manifesting asthmatic symptoms all week long.  I feel so much better today.

Instead of "fixing" her, I am honoring her exactly the way she is.  Through the challenges and supports she definitely gives me a run for my money and keeps my life interesting, she reminds me that I am loved no matter what and with that I feel free to shine my light on the world as I feel inspired, not because I am expected to.  Thanks to my mom, I am everything I can be at a given moment...

By giving up the futile hope of one day changing her to be more like me, I believe we are more strongly connected through love instead of simply genetics.  She has been one of the most pivotal teachers in my life, and she is a hall of famer in my heart for eternity.  I am eternally grateful for not only accepting her as she is, but fully loving her as she is, our incompatible values system makes our relationship vital, honest and an amazing learning/growing platform.

Te amo, mae.  Obrigada.

Minhas duas estrelas
My two shining stars

Living The American Dream on Four Wheels

Who would believe it?  Who would believe it, if I "stood" on a stage sitting comfortably in my wheelchair and remembering to keep my posture erect in front of 1000 people and said:  Hello, I'm Camile and today I can affirm that I live the proverbial American Dream.  This beautiful titanium chair that carries me around has been the catalyst of my pursuing my innermost dreams.

Would you believe it?

The truth is, it doesn't matter.  It really has no effect on my journey whether or not the idea of living the dream the way that I am living mine matches anyone else's.  Although, I struggled with that same idea myself when I was still digesting the idea of not walking ever again.  What about my dreams?

Turned out the dreams I had before were not the least bit congruent to who I am, who I strive to be.  They didn't match my highest purpose, which intrinsically has not changed since I first understood that one day I'd grow up to be an adult and had to decide what it was I wanted to do.

You see, my life has been a ripple effect of events (some are considered wonderful, and others very tragic by the masses) that has unequivocally led me to my truest, authentic path.

The death of my father, living without my mother for 2 1/2 years, moving to a different country, making life-long friends, getting married and eventually divorced, working as a Police Officer, becoming paralyzed, enduring life-threatening injuries, re-creating myself, becoming a mother, diving head first into my dream life, studying under Dr. Demartini, learning, living, shifting paradigms...

As I sat with my grandfather watching Hollywood classics such as Gone With The Wind, The Wizard Of Oz, Singing In The Rain, The Sound Of Music, Superman I II III, Close Encounters of The Third Kind, and many others.. I always watched in awe as I wondered what amazingly creative minds could write and put such powerful, inspirational stories on screen and make the viewer feel as if they were going through the ups and downs of the plot with the characters in the story.  I secretly dreamed to be a story teller who could inspire thousands, maybe millions of people across the world.

Today, I am.  I am living my dream.  On four wheels.  I am living it.

When the student is ready, the master appears - Buddhist Proverb

Sometime last week I logged on to facebook and there was this post...

"That it isn't for me to "accept" someone for who they are. Because that's a judgement that I know better n have deemed them "worthy" of my acceptance, that I've judged them by my worldview imposing who I am on and over who they are. that's just bollocks. I'm not here to "accept" people, I'm here to love them just the way they are, not change, "save", educate or improve. they know how to live their life n I know mine." -Hildi Rowland 

I have heard Dr. John Demartini say this many times (in his own words, of course), but it never sunk in the way it did when I read it off of Hildi's wall.  The impact of integrating this into my life has been monumental.  This post was my breakthrough.  Why didn't I get it earlier? I asked myself.  Perhaps, I was not ready before.  Such simple truth now that I feel it in me.  I was stuck on being grateful for so long and forgot the next step.. Love it all.  There is a reason why Dr. Demartini teaches his method and guides us to the Thank You, I Love You state.. I was stopping at the Thank You, I Accept You, state. 

This puzzle piece dissolved a lot of uncertainty and opened up my heart in a way that humbled me with the understanding that when you genuinely feel gratitude and love towards anyone or anything, you see yourself in everything around you.  A realization that everything and everyone around you are here to remind you just that... The interconnection we all have with one another, and the beautiful gift that that is.  

Hildi lives thousands of miles away from me, but because of the above post, I feel her presence in my everyday life as if we were roommates.  With this profound new level of awareness and perception, I understand why I don't "miss" some people who I love dearly, even though some live very far or have passed on.  The love keeps them alive in me, and the universe brings "them" to me in other forms.  


What once felt like an unbreakable wall inside my heart has vanished and the possibilities that pop up are nothing short of extraordinary.  With new knowledge, comes new accountability, and since this enormous breakthrough I have not stopped "collapsing" more walls that keep me from loving all as is... The more I feel myself in others and others in me, I lose track of boundaries, limits and parameters.  It's an universal sense that the two cents I love to share with the world matter.  And, so on with every being... We are all in this together, and the illusion of separateness and differences does not affect the whole in itself.  It just creates misguided or lopsided perceptions upon the participants of this huge ball of love.  (that's how i visually see it – a mass of energy leaping towards infinity together, some particles trading roles with others, in order to carry on the evolution of our true nature). 

What a journey! Wow! Thank you, Hildi! I feel you and yes, we are having a special connection.. I'm loving it! 

Never Too Early to Start a Bucket List...

Of course my thoughts about what my own bucket list would be began back when I watched the movie "The Bucket List."  You'd think my accident and my many brushes with The Grim Reaper would prompt me to begin one a long time ago; but, no.  Perhaps it was because writing down everything I'd like to do challenged the self-defeating belief I had about myself that there were somethings that I probably would never do again.  As this year started, I began to think of things that would challenge me not only physically, but psychologically as well.  In 2010, when I started this blog, the only thing on my list was to write and get published. I was recovering from a freak-accident femur fracture that left me psychologically scarred for a long time, well, until very recently.

After Anastasia's arrival, I began to once again entertain the thought of 100% independence and as she grows as fast as the speed of light (it seems), I realize that my heart cries aloud to participate in every activity with her. So, my bucket list started out as a TO DO list in order to reclaim my independent life so that I could share it all with my daughter. Then, slowly, this TO DO list began to grow and it is no longer comprised of short term goals, but long term goals too.  As someone who starts projects and struggles to finish them, this list has made the difference in my everyday living. I only do those things that will get me closer to either my short term or long term goals. Everything else.. well,  it's not that important right now.

Looking at my goals and things that I strive to accomplish on paper inspires me to keep on moving forward. Towards last year's end, I read a quote that said "People spend more time planning their vacations than planning their lives." I think this was the sentence that brought that awareness to my life. I wanted to live my life with purpose again. No more feeling disempowered by self-limiting beliefs that were birthed out of fear.  Although I still feel fear, I now challenge it. It has become a little game in my head. I treat my anxieties as opportunities to rise above my preconceived notion about myself and other people sometimes. So far, this approach has worked great and the possibilities are endless.

In the future, perhaps, I will include the bucket list itself as part of the blog. For now, I rather keep it to myself. Once I feel the time is right, I will post all the things that make up the list and future ones that I will eventually think of as time progresses.