A Love Affair Like No Other...

I discovered, recently, that I have a love affair with writing.  It actually dawned on me last week, while I was having a melt-down writing the second chapter of my memoir.  When I thought I couldn't write anymore, bombarded by painful memories of what I've been through.  I was ready to give up and say, "Screw this, it's too hard, and I can't do it." But, the exact opposite happened.  I kept on writing through my tears and my pain.  It was one of the hardest moments ever, but I felt accomplished and better for fighting through it.  I'd like to say that for the first time in my life I've found my one true passion, but I'd be lying.  I've always known what it is.  I've, however, always been scared to admit it.

Last week, I finally gave in.  I have fallen in deeply, madly, foolishly in love with writing.  The craft itself is incomparable to anything I've ever done.  I have always written journals.  I started writing in journals since the age of 7.  I always liked the way I felt after I wrote what was in my heart, and still do today.  The journals never judge me, never question me, they just patiently wait as I fill their pages with my innermost thoughts and feelings, about anything and everything.

I decided to make a commitment.  I, Camile, commitment-phobic, have committed myself to writing whole-heartedly.  I don't care where it takes me or what it brings me, I only care about writing.  Telling stories (and, obviously, having them read). Writing helps me through the tough times, guides me through the confusing ones, and helps me discover more and more each day who I am.  It organizes the chaos in my head and brings peace to my heart.  It's a love affair like no other.  When I write, it's me, the glare of the computer screen and the sounds of my fingers pounding away on the keyboard.  The  moment is so intense that I can almost compare it to sex.  When the phone rings, someone knocks on the door or even when my computer screen freezes, the climax is gone... It takes a couple of minutes to build it back up. 

Writing is my release.  It's my way to self-express and show the world who I truly am.  "At first I was afraid, I was petrified," said Gloria Gaynor once, and so was I.  I was afraid and petrified to succumb to my passion because that meant showing my vulnerability to the world... (and here we go back to the blog about being vulnerable).  Well, thanks to writing, I have saved thousands of dollars on therapy to discover that being vulnerable is the best part of life.  Besides being my biggest passion, writing has saved my life in more ways than I can describe.... It's a love affair like no other.




*****
Speaking of love affairs.... I think boys are stupid and we should throw rocks at them! Gosh, I'm SO sick of games. I'm ready to meet a real man!

The End