Imperfectly Beautiful

Some months ago, a friend of mine was describing her trip to San Francisco to me and she used the words "imperfectly beautiful" to describe the city. Those words stuck with me. They stuck because for the first time I heard out loud a truth about life in general. People in general as well. Beauty IS imperfect. Imperfections are what make things beautiful. I loved my newfound enlightenment.

For as long as I can remember, I incessantly tried to achieve perfection in every facet of my life. Such a tiring job, but nevertheless, I would try to find ways to make my pursuit of perfection easier and successful. As I found ways of being "perfect" in one area, other areas would suffer the blunt. At the time, these sacrifices seemed worthy, and I lived my life like that, sacrificing some things in order to be perfect or have perfection in others. I sacrificed family relationships, friendships, sometimes my health, character and love.

Then... one morning I woke up and realized I was paralyzed and that everything in my life had changed, much against my will. I no longer fit the picture perfect image I painted of myself in my head. For a long time, a very long time, I felt inadequate, imperfect and unworthy. Never beautiful. I actually stopped looking in the mirror. I began to detach from my physical self and focus on me. For the first time in my life, I got to know ME. I stopped defining myself by what I looked like and what I did. I was just Camile.

The process was not easy, although exhilarating, because for the first time, I was giving ME a chance, there were still some parts of ME that I was not too proud of. Facing the faults was hard, but recognizing where they came from and taking responsibility for them have been an incredible experience. Slowly, I have learned to love ME and forgive ME. In turn, it makes it easier to just be ME. After the period of getting to know ME again, I learned to love ME inside and out. Especially love my imperfections. On the outside, I appreciate every scar on my body; they reflect all my trials and tribulations and are there to remind me to be humble and grateful for an extra day. The same goes for the inside; every scar is outlasted by a memory that brings me joy and a feeling of love.

My search for perfection continues today, but I look for a different kind of perfect. I realize now that my spirit is eternal, and that is the real ME. I look to perfect ME, while being kind and patient to ME at the same time. This search requires no other sacrifice; it is a search of love and understanding. Every bump on the road that I may encounter is to endure the lesson. I am not perfect and I have yet much to learn, however, I recognize that all my imperfections make ME imperfectly beautiful.