I can hardly see straight right now. There is so much on my mind. It's been hard to stay focused all day long. I think the one thing that has me very agitated is that Assistant Director Erched from Miami Dade Police Department tried to reach me three times this past week. I wasn't able to get back to him in a timely manner because my phone was experiencing some malfunctioning last week. Finally, last Friday we spoke and he told me that tomorrow morning, the department will be giving JMH Ryder Trauma Unit an award for what they did and still do for all the officers that go through there. Especially one in particular who was hurt recently (very badly) by a subject (I'll leave his name out of the blog since I don't know him personally).
The A.D. asked me to go. His asking means DO IT for me, because he's been phenomenal with me and my family since my own accident 5 1/2 years ago. He remembers details of that time that I have even forgotten. I can tell the friendship that was formed between us while I was deep in my coma is meaningful and powerful. He helped my brother get transferred here from CA so that he could be near my mom while they both dealt with my life being on a limbo.
It will be the first time that I go back to the Ryder Trauma since my stay there, and also the first time I will see many officers I have not seen in a long time. I admit I am a bit apprehensive. It feels a bit overwhelming to me. I know it's a chapter of my life that I need closure on... Face the place and the people I have not seen in over 5 years to move on with my new life. I have so many ghosts haunting my mind and heart right now that it is hard to prepare for what will happen, which in the end might be really nothing at all.
Well, last night in my lucid dream state, I had a horrible vision of Anastasia falling into my pool, and me throwing myself after her from my chair. Mind you, I can't swim very well after my accident. The vision left me disturbed all day long. I didn't tell anyone about the nightmarish vision because I didn't want to remember it. After running a couple of errands today, I came back home and saw an array of Police Officers and Fire Rescue workers on the other side of the lake behind my house. As I parked my car in the driveway, I saw a white pick-up truck partially inside the lake and many authority figures securing the scene. I immediately thought of the nightmare I had had last night and literally began to hyperventilate. It felt so surreal, and deep inside, I was thanking God that it wasn't my daughter.
It's not the first time I dream something and something similar happens right after... It has happened numerous times. Sometimes, I'm okay with the messages I receive, others... not so much. Like today. Perhaps it's the lack of sleep that has me on edge. Maybe it's time to consult with a dream specialist.
That's it for tonight. I have to wake up very early tomorrow in order to show my well rested face at JMH at 9:00am. Good night and Godspeed. ;)
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