After becoming a mom and becoming more involved in different projects, I don't have time anymore to sit in front of the T.V. and drift away watching my many favorite shows. I am very grateful for DVRs and Tivos for that reason. I DVR every single show that inspires me, humors me and teaches me something. I set aside a time during the week to catch up on them and recently started taking notes on them (it may sound weird, but I have begun to keep record of everything that grabs my attention for some reason or another).
One of the shows I think is pretty fantastic is Super Soul Sunday on OWN. As I watched last week's interview between Oprah and Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor, I was for the gazillionth time inspired by Dr. Jill. I find her remarkable, and am so deeply touched by her. For those of who are not familiar with her, I suggest you watch the video below to get familiarized with her story. (click on link to access video on TED talks)
Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor - My Stroke Of Insight
Throughout the interview I was captivated by her story (once again) and then she said something so powerful. As she had become fully aware of the energy that people brought to her, but no longer could understand language from them, she knew when people came to her with pity, and at the same time she realized that that pity was a projection of their own fears onto her. She could not communicate at the time and she wanted to tell them "I'm wounded, not stupid."
For almost six years, I have dealt with looks, and comments that for a long time I thought had everything to do with me. I shied away from people like that, and began to attract them at home instead. Before even watching this episode of Super Soul Sunday where Dr. Taylor expresses the same feelings, I began to be more courageous and face people.. Literally, lock them in when they stared. I, soon, realized that the moment our gazes met, they'd look away embarrassed and disempowered. The stares and comments had nothing to do with me – everything to do with them. I couldn't pin point or articulate it as well as Dr. Taylor did back then, but I realized, it is their own fear that makes them pity me. It is fear that it may happen to them, so because of some karmic fantasy that most people believe in, they think that pitying me will liberate them from this "doomed" destiny. It was one of the most liberating things I have ever experienced in my life. I no longer hide away from anything or anyone. If I don't show up for something, it is simply because I don't feel like it.
Feeling sorry for someone or not feeling sorry for someone will not alter our destiny and will not bring us "good" or "bad" karma. My accident was an event in my life that served me in many ways. Were they all beneficial (positive)? The answer will depend on each person's perception of positive or negative. All I can say is that I am grateful it happened – beyond words. I used to have an addiction with my physical body, looks and how the world perceived me. I was obsessed with looking good, meeting some societal parameters of how a "beautiful" person should look.. One of the ways the accident served me was to break me free from that addiction and force me to appreciate the other aspects of myself I had disassociated from, but that were still equally important as my physical body.
As I evolved and learned from experiences, reflections and relationships, I realize that my accident does not define the person I am. It has helped mold me. It is part of my infinite self. It is an event that helped shape the trajectory of the life I chose to pursue, but it is not the totality of who I am. I write this blog today, because with tears in my eyes, a heart exploding with love and full of gratitude, I have integrated the event of that fateful night of January 14, 2006 into my whole being, resulting in me looking forward to the next event that will help me leap into a new quantum of infinite opportunities.
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