Time... flies

I just broke through a major personal milestone in my life and in my daughter's life. I took her to her first day of class. She started school today, and although many have questioned my decision to put her in school so early (age wise), I know that she's ready to be challenged in a way that I am not trained or capable of doing so myself, at home. She didn't cry. I didn't either. However, as I left the school and on my way home, even as I write this blog, I feel as if a piece of my heart is sitting somewhere else. First days of major changes are always overwhelming, I'm aware of that.  Although, I miss her physical presence because of the habit of having her by my side 24 hours a day, deep inside, I am extremely confident and proud of my decision for the both of us.

As I have more time now to focus on organizing things in my life that have taken the last seat on my life's train, I came across some photos and videos from a year ago (exactly). I was in Brazil, vacationing and entertaining the idea of adopting a baby girl. Her father still unsure if he would get her custody from the state would "nextel" me from Maryland while I vacationed with my mom and his uncle. My life has changed d-r-a-m-a-t-i-c-a-l-l-y since October 2010. I wouldn't change one second of it. Leaving her today in school made me feel so grown up, so womanly, like a real mother.

My decision to start her in school did not come abruptly. I have been thinking about it for a while, and last week after we visited the school and she and I had a chance to interact with the teachers and staff, our mother/daughter dynamic changed so much. She began saying "mama" more often and I felt a relief in her. As if she was getting bored at home and craved the opportunity to learn something new. I felt this energy shift and it was the answer I needed to know that following my instinct was the right decision. Then, my beautiful friend Vanessa Talbot (also creator of our upcoming book Extraordinary You) posted this amazing poem on her blog which I have printed and began reciting to her last night..

Where Did You Come From?

Where did you come from, Baby dear?
Out of the everywhere into here.

Where did you get your eyes so blue?
Out of the sky as I came through.
What makes the light in them sparkle and spin?
Some of the starry spikes left in.

Where did you get that little tear?
I found it waiting when I got here.
What makes your forehead so smooth and high?
A soft hand stroked it as I went by.

What makes your cheek like a warm white rose?
I saw something better than anyone knows.
Whence that three-corner’d smile of bliss?
Three angels gave me at once a kiss.

Where did you get this pearly ear?
God spoke, and it came out to hear.
Where did you get those arms and hands?
Love made itself into bonds and bands.

Feet, whence did you come, you darling things?
From the same box as the cerubs’ wings.
Where did you get that dimple so cute?
God touched my cheek as I came through.

How did they all come just to be you?
God thought of me, and so I grew.
But how did you come to us, you dear?
God thought of you, and so I am here.

~ George MacDonald

And, to top it off, as if the Universe wanted me to feel secure and 200% secure with my decision (because, in all honesty, I think I'm having a harder time than she is).. My incredible sister posted this little saying on her facebook page:

"What does it mean to be 'adopted'?" Asked one child to another.

"It means you grew in your mommy's heart instead of her belly." 

All these little whispers and signs are helping me cope with our first days of this powerful transition. Time has surely flown by. Before I know it, I'll be attending her pre-k graduation... Ugh!