Growing Up at 35

"What do you want to do when you grow up?"

That seems to be the question that haunts little children.  From the moment they are able to speak, understand and form complete sentences, they are asked, "What do you want to do when you grow up?"  Really, is there a more subtle way to tell your child, "Be careful with your answer, our love towards you depends solely on your response."  When I was little, I wanted to be a doctor, an FBI profiler, a film-maker, story teller, lawyer, judge, prosecutor, teacher, mommy, wife, rich, beautiful, model, professional athlete.. well.. you name it, I wanted to be it.  I couldn't tell you what I wanted to wear to school the next day, much less decide my future career at 5 or 6 years old.

I, strongly, believe that growing up in a family of over-achievers and being blessed with lots of brain power put a lot of expectations on me.  I didn't want to disappoint anyone, so I'd change my answer according to whom was asking.  I always had a niche to reading and writing stories.  "Writing won't make you any money," was what I kept on hearing when I dared tell anyone of my secret dream of being a writer.  So, I chose to keep it a secret, even from myself.

I, eagerly, wished that my family would tell me, "No matter what you do, you will always be loved."  There would have been no pressure to make money, to succeed, to pretend to be satisfied with what I did.  I would have been doing what I love to do from very early on.  I see, however, why things did not flow so easily as I grew up.  I needed to discover the passion myself through hardships.  I know my little stubborn soul and I know that the way things unfolded is the only way I'd give my "grown-up" career choice any value.

I, fervently, surrender myself now to the grow up world.  With no lingering doubt in my mind, I, now, know what I want to do when I grow up.  I want to be a writer and I want to inspire.  I want to be the best mom I can be and I want to allow my child to be what she wants to be at every moment in her life.  I want to allow her to explore and create her own life.  I will be, invisibly, beside her loving her unconditionally with whatever choice she makes, until she, herself, becomes a grown up.

I'm a grown up now.