When the purchase was made I had no idea that in a year's time, I would be taking the role of a mother myself. I bought the book to understand the relationship dynamic I had with my own mother. I stare at it everyday while I work on the computer, sitting on the white shelf above my desk. I have not given it much thought since the last time I read it. Today, however, while submerged in other writing projects and ideas, I had a one-hour long chat with my mom. As I returned to my projects, I decided to spring clean my book shelves, instead. I met eyes with Dr. Northrup's picture on the book's spine. For a moment, I remembered the intention behind the purchase. The memory came up loudly. I was looking for a how-to manual to "fix" the relationship with my mother. My perception of "fixing" the relationship was to make her understand me and love me for who I am.
It has been three years. Now, I am a mother. Still have not read the book, not even for the sake of my daughter. Today, my perception of the relationship between my mom and I is a bit different. There needs no "fixing." Who she is, what she values and how she manifests everything that pushes my button has not only pushed me to do better for myself, but also allowed me to understand that there is no better. Whoever I am, wherever I am, I am perfect just the way I am. She is perfect just the way she is. The biggest gift is that I can just be ME with my own daughter. There is no guilt, shame, fear or pretending.
As the very thick, orange, unread book lays on top of the pile for donation, I realize that I refuse to give in to the saying "Nobody is perfect." We ARE all perfect in our different forms, serving someone else who is not owning some parts of themselves. I wouldn't change one thing about my mom. I wouldn't change one thing about my daughter, and I would not change one thing about me. For the past two weeks, some changes have occurred in my life and although my mom is not close to me at this time, her non-local support is palpable. Through our back and forth emails of updates she is able to pick up on my emotional state and calm me down, or sometimes piss me off. Until she pointed out yesterday that I was too overwhelmed, and there was no need to feel so much pressure, I had not realized that, indeed, I did feel overwhelmed and had been manifesting asthmatic symptoms all week long. I feel so much better today.
Instead of "fixing" her, I am honoring her exactly the way she is. Through the challenges and supports she definitely gives me a run for my money and keeps my life interesting, she reminds me that I am loved no matter what and with that I feel free to shine my light on the world as I feel inspired, not because I am expected to. Thanks to my mom, I am everything I can be at a given moment...
By giving up the futile hope of one day changing her to be more like me, I believe we are more strongly connected through love instead of simply genetics. She has been one of the most pivotal teachers in my life, and she is a hall of famer in my heart for eternity. I am eternally grateful for not only accepting her as she is, but fully loving her as she is, our incompatible values system makes our relationship vital, honest and an amazing learning/growing platform.
Te amo, mae. Obrigada.
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| Minhas duas estrelas My two shining stars |
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